Ariel Elias | A Jewish Star (Full Comedy Special)

In her debut comedy special, Ariel Elias takes the stage in Burlington to deliver a hilariously honest performance about identity, relationships, and the absurdities of modern life. Growing up Jewish in Kentucky, Elias learned early on how to find humor in uncomfortable situations, a skill that serves her well as she navigates everything from subway encounters with Hasidic men to the struggles of flying Southwest.

Elias fearlessly dives into the realities of marriage, discussing the hilarious ways she and her husband keep things interesting and his questionable cleaning habits. She also opens up about deeply personal topics, including body image struggles, her experience with herpes, and the viral 2022 incident where she famously chugged a beer thrown at her by a heckler.

With her sharp wit and unapologetic storytelling, Elias turns life's most awkward and stressful moments into pure comedic gold. From comparing religious holidays to debating the merits of raw oysters, this special showcases a comedian who knows exactly how to laugh in the face of conflict.

Key takeaways

• Finding humor in uncomfortable interactions is a powerful tool for overcoming personal insecurities.
• Navigating cultural and religious differences can lead to hilarious misunderstandings, especially when growing up as a minority in the South.
• True partnership in marriage means supporting each other through life's messiest moments, even if it involves a dustpan and brush.
• De-stigmatizing personal health topics like herpes and body image through comedy helps foster connection and understanding.
• Turning a hostile situation, like a thrown beer can, into a viral moment can unexpectedly redefine a career.

Highlights

• 1:31 — Subway encounters and extreme Jews
• 8:33 — The dustpan and brush incident
• 20:08 — Pronouncing Ariel in Kentucky
• 25:52 — Comparing Easter and Passover
• 37:04 — Chugging the heckler's beer
• 44:52 — De-stigmatizing herpes with honesty

00:00:00 Welcome to Burlington and Subway Insecurities
00:03:47 Flying Southwest and Rhinestone Pepper Spray
00:08:33 Marriage Scenarios and the Dustpan Incident
00:12:24 Age Gaps and Dating Older Men
00:15:14 Deciding on Kids and Circumcision Debates
00:20:08 Growing Up Jewish in Kentucky
00:24:16 Comparing Jewish and Christian Holidays
00:36:53 The Viral Beer Can Incident
00:42:08 Body Image, IUDs, and Herpes Stigma
00:51:15 Raw Oysters and True Marriage Support

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Welcome

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Hi,<00:00:28.480> Burlington.<00:00:30.160> This<00:00:30.320> is<00:00:30.880> so<00:00:31.199> lovely.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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away.

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the<00:04:58.000> woman<00:04:58.240> on<00:04:58.479> the<00:04:58.639> other<00:04:58.800> end<00:04:59.040> was<00:04:59.360> trying<00:04:59.520> to<00:04:59.680> make<00:04:59.840> polite<00:05:00.320> small<00:05:00.560> talk<00:05:00.800> with<00:05:00.960> me<00:05:01.120> while<00:05:01.360> she<00:05:01.520> waited<00:05:01.759> for<00:05:01.919> her<00:05:02.080> Windows<00:05:02.479> 98<00:05:02.960> to<00:05:03.120> reboot<00:05:03.520> or<00:05:03.759> whatever.

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So,<00:05:07.520> she<00:05:07.759> asked<00:05:08.000> me,<00:05:08.160> she<00:05:08.320> said,<00:05:08.560> "What<00:05:08.960> do<00:05:09.120> you<00:05:09.280> do<00:05:09.440> for<00:05:09.600> a<00:05:09.759> living?"

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And<00:05:10.240> I<00:05:10.479> said,<00:05:10.560> "Oh,<00:05:10.960> um,<00:05:11.120> I'm<00:05:11.360> a<00:05:11.520> professional<00:05:12.000> comedian."

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But<00:05:13.280> what<00:05:13.520> she<00:05:13.680> heard<00:05:13.919> me<00:05:14.160> say<00:05:14.479> was,<00:05:14.800> "Oh,<00:05:15.199> I'm<00:05:15.360> a<00:05:15.600> professional<00:05:16.080> Canadian."

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And<00:05:20.479> then<00:05:20.639> she<00:05:20.880> just<00:05:21.039> accepted<00:05:21.520> that.<00:05:23.280> That's<00:05:23.600> how<00:05:23.759> much<00:05:24.000> they've<00:05:24.320> seen.

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Everybody<00:05:25.039> who<00:05:25.280> works<00:05:25.520> there<00:05:25.680> has<00:05:25.919> been<00:05:26.080> there<00:05:26.320> too<00:05:26.560> long<00:05:26.800> and<00:05:27.120> seen<00:05:27.520> too<00:05:27.759> much.

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Cuz<00:05:28.560> the<00:05:28.800> only<00:05:29.120> follow-up<00:05:29.600> question<00:05:29.840> she<00:05:30.160> had<00:05:30.320> was,<00:05:30.479> "What<00:05:30.720> are<00:05:30.880> the<00:05:30.960> hours<00:05:31.280> as<00:05:31.520> a<00:05:31.680> Canadian?"

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I<00:05:32.400> didn't<00:05:32.560> know.

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Good<00:05:36.160> god.

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I<00:05:39.919> do<00:05:40.160> I<00:05:40.400> travel<00:05:40.720> a<00:05:40.960> lot.<00:05:41.280> It<00:05:41.600> uh<00:05:41.759> it<00:05:42.000> worries<00:05:42.400> my<00:05:42.639> parents.

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I<00:05:43.199> think<00:05:43.360> that<00:05:43.520> I<00:05:43.680> travel<00:05:43.919> so<00:05:44.160> much<00:05:44.320> by<00:05:44.560> myself.

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So,<00:05:45.840> the<00:05:46.080> last<00:05:46.320> time<00:05:46.479> I<00:05:46.639> went<00:05:46.800> and<00:05:46.960> saw<00:05:47.199> my<00:05:47.360> parents,<00:05:47.840> my<00:05:48.080> mom<00:05:48.320> got<00:05:48.479> me<00:05:48.720> pepper<00:05:49.039> spray,<00:05:49.840> which<00:05:50.080> is<00:05:50.320> fine.

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I<00:05:51.039> love<00:05:51.199> that.<00:05:51.680> But<00:05:51.759> the<00:05:52.000> pepper<00:05:52.240> spray<00:05:52.479> she<00:05:52.720> got<00:05:52.880> me<00:05:53.039> is<00:05:53.280> covered<00:05:53.520> in<00:05:53.759> rhinestones.

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Don't<00:05:57.360> do<00:05:57.520> that.<00:05:57.840> Don't<00:05:58.000> bedazzle<00:05:58.639> my<00:05:58.800> weapons.

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I<00:05:59.440> don't<00:05:59.600> need<00:05:59.759> it.<00:06:01.120> Cuz<00:06:01.360> the<00:06:01.600> only<00:06:01.840> people<00:06:02.080> who<00:06:02.320> are<00:06:02.479> ever<00:06:02.639> going<00:06:02.720> to<00:06:02.880> see<00:06:03.039> that<00:06:03.199> pepper<00:06:03.520> spray<00:06:03.840> are<00:06:04.080> me<00:06:04.240> and<00:06:04.479> my<00:06:04.720> attacker.

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And<00:06:05.520> like<00:06:07.280> I'm<00:06:07.520> not<00:06:07.680> dressing<00:06:08.080> for<00:06:08.319> him.

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He<00:06:10.479> wouldn't<00:06:10.960> appreciate<00:06:11.440> the<00:06:11.680> patchwork.

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What's<00:06:14.479> the<00:06:14.720> scenario<00:06:15.120> where<00:06:15.360> that<00:06:15.600> plays<00:06:15.840> out,<00:06:16.080> right?

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Like<00:06:16.400> what?<00:06:16.639> Some<00:06:16.800> guy<00:06:16.960> comes<00:06:17.120> up<00:06:17.280> and<00:06:17.440> attacks<00:06:17.759> me<00:06:17.919> and<00:06:18.160> I'm<00:06:18.319> ready<00:06:18.479> for<00:06:18.639> it<00:06:18.800> and<00:06:19.039> I<00:06:19.199> pull<00:06:19.360> out<00:06:19.520> my<00:06:19.759> pepper<00:06:20.160> spray<00:06:20.560> covered<00:06:20.880> in<00:06:21.039> rhinestones<00:06:21.759> and<00:06:21.919> then<00:06:22.080> he's<00:06:22.400> like,<00:06:22.880> "Cute.

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I<00:06:28.080> love<00:06:28.319> that.<00:06:29.840> Where<00:06:30.080> did<00:06:30.240> you<00:06:30.319> get<00:06:30.479> it?"

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I'll<00:06:30.800> put<00:06:30.960> it<00:06:31.039> in<00:06:31.199> my<00:06:31.360> kill<00:06:31.680> kit.<00:06:32.080> That's<00:06:32.319> so<00:06:32.639> cute.

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My<00:06:38.160> mom<00:06:38.400> worries<00:06:38.720> about<00:06:38.960> me<00:06:39.280> because<00:06:39.680> she<00:06:40.000> I<00:06:40.319> she<00:06:40.560> watches<00:06:40.960> too<00:06:41.199> much<00:06:41.440> news<00:06:42.080> and<00:06:42.319> I<00:06:42.560> think<00:06:42.639> it's<00:06:42.880> clouded<00:06:43.360> her<00:06:43.840> her<00:06:44.240> perspective<00:06:44.720> of<00:06:44.960> the<00:06:45.199> world<00:06:46.000> which

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like<00:06:46.560> I<00:06:46.720> don't<00:06:46.960> I<00:06:47.199> mean<00:06:47.280> I<00:06:47.440> I<00:06:47.840> she<00:06:48.160> has<00:06:48.240> a<00:06:48.479> point.

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The<00:06:49.039> world<00:06:49.360> feels<00:06:49.840> bad<00:06:50.240> right<00:06:50.479> now,<00:06:51.120> right?

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Doesn't<00:06:51.520> it<00:06:51.759> feel<00:06:51.919> worse<00:06:52.160> than<00:06:52.319> it<00:06:52.479> used<00:06:52.720> to?<00:06:54.639> Okay.

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Do<00:06:55.280> you<00:06:56.000> do<00:06:56.240> you<00:06:56.400> guys<00:06:56.560> ever<00:06:56.880> think<00:06:57.280> maybe<00:06:57.680> things<00:06:58.000> wouldn't<00:06:58.400> feel<00:06:58.720> so<00:06:59.120> bad<00:06:59.919> if<00:07:00.240> we<00:07:00.400> had<00:07:00.560> all<00:07:00.800> just<00:07:01.039> forwarded<00:07:01.520> those<00:07:01.759> emails<00:07:02.160> to<00:07:02.400> our<00:07:02.639> 10<00:07:02.880> friends?

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[Laughter]

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Yeah.<00:07:09.840> Like<00:07:10.080> we<00:07:10.319> were<00:07:10.479> supposed<00:07:10.800> to,<00:07:11.520> you<00:07:11.599> know<00:07:11.680> what<00:07:11.759> I<00:07:11.919> mean?

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We<00:07:12.639> were<00:07:12.800> specifically<00:07:13.520> instructed.

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Okay.<00:07:17.360> Some<00:07:17.520> of<00:07:17.680> you<00:07:17.759> are<00:07:18.000> hot<00:07:18.160> and<00:07:18.319> young.<00:07:18.639> Basically<00:07:19.039> what<00:07:19.280> happened<00:07:19.440> is<00:07:19.680> in<00:07:19.840> the<00:07:20.000> late<00:07:20.160> 90s

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we<00:07:23.840> got<00:07:24.000> the<00:07:24.240> internet<00:07:24.560> which<00:07:24.800> was<00:07:24.960> like<00:07:25.120> such<00:07:25.280> an<00:07:25.520> exciting<00:07:25.919> time<00:07:27.280> but<00:07:27.520> we<00:07:27.680> didn't<00:07:27.840> really<00:07:28.000> know<00:07:28.080> what<00:07:28.240> to<00:07:28.400> do<00:07:28.479> with<00:07:28.639> it<00:07:28.800> because<00:07:29.039> we<00:07:29.280> couldn't<00:07:29.520> watch<00:07:29.759> porn<00:07:30.160> yet.

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So<00:07:31.680> while<00:07:31.919> we<00:07:32.080> waited<00:07:32.319> for<00:07:32.479> that<00:07:32.720> technology<00:07:33.199> to<00:07:33.440> advance<00:07:33.919> we<00:07:34.240> uh<00:07:34.319> we<00:07:34.560> sent<00:07:34.720> chain<00:07:35.120> emails<00:07:35.440> to<00:07:35.599> everybody<00:07:37.120> and<00:07:37.360> they<00:07:37.520> were<00:07:37.680> they<00:07:37.919> were<00:07:38.160> like<00:07:38.400> they<00:07:38.639> they

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varied<00:07:40.000> right<00:07:40.400> some<00:07:40.560> of<00:07:40.720> them<00:07:40.960> had<00:07:41.280> fun<00:07:41.520> facts<00:07:42.080> some<00:07:42.160> of<00:07:42.240> them<00:07:42.400> had<00:07:42.639> inspirational<00:07:43.199> quotes<00:07:43.840> but<00:07:44.080> at<00:07:44.240> the<00:07:44.400> bottom<00:07:44.720> they<00:07:44.960> were<00:07:45.120> all<00:07:45.280> the<00:07:45.440> same.

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At<00:07:45.840> the<00:07:46.000> bottom,<00:07:46.240> they<00:07:46.400> all<00:07:46.639> got<00:07:46.880> very<00:07:47.199> dark<00:07:47.520> and<00:07:47.759> threatening.

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They<00:07:51.759> said,<00:07:52.319> "Forward<00:07:52.960> this<00:07:53.199> to<00:07:53.440> 10<00:07:53.840> friends<00:07:55.360> or<00:07:55.680> you'll<00:07:56.000> have<00:07:56.319> seven<00:07:56.639> years<00:07:56.960> of<00:07:57.280> bad<00:07:57.680> luck."

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And<00:07:59.280> then<00:07:59.440> they<00:07:59.759> didn't<00:08:00.080> say<00:08:00.479> which<00:08:00.960> seven<00:08:01.280> years<00:08:01.599> were<00:08:01.840> going<00:08:01.919> to<00:08:02.000> be<00:08:02.160> bad<00:08:02.479> luck.

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So,<00:08:03.520> we<00:08:03.759> might<00:08:03.919> just<00:08:04.080> be<00:08:04.319> paying<00:08:04.560> off<00:08:04.800> our<00:08:04.960> debts<00:08:05.280> from<00:08:05.440> the<00:08:05.520> '90s<00:08:06.240> right<00:08:06.479> now.

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I<00:08:07.440> don't<00:08:07.520> know.<00:08:07.759> I<00:08:08.000> I'm<00:08:08.319> not<00:08:08.479> saying<00:08:08.720> causation<00:08:09.280> or<00:08:09.440> correlation<00:08:10.080> because<00:08:10.319> I<00:08:10.560> don't<00:08:10.720> know<00:08:10.800> what<00:08:11.039> those<00:08:11.280> words<00:08:11.520> mean.

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I'm<00:08:15.039> just<00:08:15.199> saying<00:08:15.680> it<00:08:16.000> explains<00:08:16.319> why<00:08:16.479> the<00:08:16.720> baby<00:08:16.960> boomers<00:08:17.360> are<00:08:17.599> fine

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cuz<00:08:21.120> they<00:08:21.360> forwarded<00:08:21.759> those<00:08:22.000> emails<00:08:22.319> to<00:08:22.560> everybody.

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[Applause]

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I<00:08:33.680> think<00:08:33.760> my<00:08:34.000> parents<00:08:34.399> worry<00:08:34.719> less<00:08:34.959> about<00:08:35.120> me<00:08:35.360> now<00:08:35.519> cuz<00:08:35.760> I'm<00:08:36.000> married<00:08:36.320> now,<00:08:36.800> which<00:08:37.120> feels<00:08:37.440> crazy<00:08:37.760> to<00:08:37.919> say.

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It<00:08:38.320> feels<00:08:38.560> so<00:08:38.719> grown<00:08:38.959> up,<00:08:39.120> but<00:08:39.360> I<00:08:39.519> am<00:08:39.680> married.

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Clap<00:08:40.240> if<00:08:40.399> you're<00:08:40.560> married<00:08:41.200> in<00:08:41.519> here.

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Okay.<00:08:43.440> All<00:08:43.519> right.<00:08:45.680> Tell<00:08:45.920> me<00:08:46.080> if<00:08:46.240> you<00:08:46.480> guys<00:08:46.720> do<00:08:46.959> this,<00:08:47.200> too,<00:08:47.680> because<00:08:48.160> my<00:08:48.480> husband<00:08:48.800> and<00:08:48.959> I<00:08:49.120> are<00:08:49.279> out<00:08:49.519> of<00:08:49.680> things<00:08:49.839> to<00:08:50.080> talk<00:08:50.320> about.

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We<00:08:52.399> are.<00:08:52.560> It's<00:08:52.800> why<00:08:52.959> I'm<00:08:53.200> here.

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So,<00:08:58.399> what<00:08:58.720> what<00:08:59.040> my<00:08:59.200> husband<00:08:59.519> and<00:08:59.680> I<00:08:59.920> do<00:09:00.320> to<00:09:00.640> spice<00:09:01.040> things<00:09:01.360> up,<00:09:02.399> and<00:09:02.640> I'm<00:09:02.800> curious<00:09:03.120> if<00:09:03.360> any<00:09:03.519> of<00:09:03.600> you<00:09:03.760> do<00:09:03.920> this,<00:09:04.160> too,<00:09:04.480> is<00:09:04.800> he<00:09:04.959> and<00:09:05.120> I<00:09:05.360> we<00:09:05.600> like<00:09:05.760> to

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make<00:09:06.160> up<00:09:06.480> scenarios,

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and<00:09:10.399> then<00:09:10.560> we<00:09:10.800> ask<00:09:11.040> each<00:09:11.279> other,<00:09:11.839> "Would<00:09:12.240> you<00:09:12.560> stay<00:09:12.880> with<00:09:13.120> me<00:09:13.440> in<00:09:13.760> that<00:09:14.080> scenario?"

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Yeah.<00:09:20.800> Do<00:09:21.040> it,<00:09:21.360> everybody.<00:09:21.839> Do<00:09:21.920> it<00:09:22.080> with<00:09:22.240> your<00:09:22.399> significant<00:09:22.800> other<00:09:23.040> if<00:09:23.279> you're<00:09:23.360> not.

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It's<00:09:24.160> the<00:09:24.320> hottest<00:09:24.640> way<00:09:24.720> to<00:09:24.880> get<00:09:24.959> into<00:09:25.200> a<00:09:25.440> fight.

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I<00:09:26.160> cannot<00:09:27.550> [Laughter]

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like<00:09:32.240> one<00:09:32.399> time<00:09:32.640> my<00:09:32.800> husband<00:09:33.120> asked<00:09:33.440> me<00:09:34.160> would<00:09:34.399> I<00:09:34.640> stay<00:09:34.880> with<00:09:35.120> him<00:09:35.360> if<00:09:35.680> he<00:09:35.920> realized<00:09:36.240> he<00:09:36.560> was<00:09:36.720> trans.

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And<00:09:39.200> my<00:09:39.519> immediate<00:09:40.080> answer<00:09:40.320> was<00:09:40.720> yes,<00:09:41.200> of<00:09:41.440> course,<00:09:42.399> which<00:09:42.800> surprised<00:09:43.360> him.

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So<00:09:44.000> I<00:09:44.080> I<00:09:44.480> had<00:09:44.640> to<00:09:44.800> explain<00:09:45.920> first,<00:09:46.640> he's<00:09:46.959> more<00:09:47.120> than<00:09:47.279> just<00:09:47.440> a<00:09:47.680> body<00:09:47.920> to<00:09:48.160> me,<00:09:48.800> right?

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He's<00:09:49.279> a<00:09:49.440> whole<00:09:49.600> human<00:09:49.920> being.<00:09:50.320> I<00:09:50.560> love<00:09:50.640> him<00:09:50.800> for<00:09:50.959> who<00:09:51.120> he<00:09:51.279> is.

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Divorce<00:09:51.920> is<00:09:52.160> expensive.

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And<00:09:55.279> second,<00:09:55.760> I<00:09:56.000> had<00:09:56.240> to<00:09:56.399> explain<00:09:56.720> to<00:09:56.880> him<00:09:57.200> that<00:09:57.519> my<00:09:57.839> least<00:09:58.240> favorite<00:09:58.640> thing<00:09:58.800> about<00:09:59.200> him<00:09:59.680> is<00:09:59.920> that<00:10:00.160> he's<00:10:00.399> a<00:10:00.640> man.

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[Applause]

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Like,<00:10:11.040> he<00:10:11.360> has<00:10:11.519> great<00:10:11.839> qualities,<00:10:12.800> but<00:10:13.040> I've<00:10:13.279> never<00:10:13.440> been<00:10:13.600> psyched<00:10:14.000> that<00:10:14.160> he<00:10:14.320> was<00:10:14.399> a<00:10:14.640> dude.

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Okay,<00:10:19.519> I<00:10:19.760> can<00:10:20.000> feel<00:10:20.240> some<00:10:20.480> of<00:10:20.640> you<00:10:20.880> pulling<00:10:21.279> away.

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Mhm.<00:10:24.079> I<00:10:24.320> feel<00:10:24.480> it.<00:10:24.800> I<00:10:25.040> get<00:10:25.200> it.

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I<00:10:27.600> think<00:10:27.920> I<00:10:28.160> think<00:10:28.240> there's<00:10:28.560> this<00:10:28.720> really<00:10:29.040> boring<00:10:29.680> debate<00:10:30.160> happening<00:10:30.480> right<00:10:30.720> now<00:10:30.880> in<00:10:31.200> this<00:10:31.360> country<00:10:31.600> where<00:10:31.920> people<00:10:32.079> have<00:10:32.320> gotten<00:10:32.560> really<00:10:32.800> obsessed<00:10:33.200> over<00:10:33.440> these<00:10:33.839> definitions

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Of<00:10:35.040> how<00:10:35.279> do<00:10:35.360> you<00:10:35.519> define<00:10:35.760> a<00:10:35.920> man<00:10:36.160> or<00:10:36.480> how<00:10:36.560> do<00:10:36.720> you<00:10:36.800> define<00:10:37.040> a<00:10:37.279> woman?

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And<00:10:38.240> the<00:10:38.480> reason<00:10:38.720> I<00:10:38.959> find<00:10:39.200> it<00:10:39.519> so<00:10:39.920> boring<00:10:40.640> is<00:10:40.959> I<00:10:41.200> think<00:10:41.279> it's<00:10:41.519> okay<00:10:41.680> that<00:10:41.920> we<00:10:42.160> all<00:10:42.320> have<00:10:42.720> different<00:10:43.120> definitions,<00:10:44.079> right?

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That's<00:10:44.640> fine.<00:10:45.200> If<00:10:45.440> you<00:10:45.600> define<00:10:45.839> a<00:10:46.079> man<00:10:46.399> as<00:10:46.720> somebody<00:10:46.959> who<00:10:47.200> has<00:10:47.440> a<00:10:47.680> penis,<00:10:48.640> I<00:10:49.120> honestly<00:10:49.680> think<00:10:49.920> that's<00:10:50.240> fine.

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It's<00:10:51.440> just<00:10:51.600> not<00:10:51.760> how<00:10:51.920> I<00:10:52.079> define<00:10:52.320> a<00:10:52.560> man,<00:10:53.279> right?

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I<00:10:53.760> define<00:10:54.000> a<00:10:54.240> man<00:10:54.480> as<00:10:54.720> somebody<00:10:54.959> who<00:10:55.200> does<00:10:55.440> something<00:10:55.760> where<00:10:56.079> then<00:10:56.240> you're<00:10:56.399> like,<00:10:56.560> "Hey,<00:10:56.880> why<00:10:57.040> would<00:10:57.200> you<00:10:57.360> ever<00:10:57.519> think<00:10:57.680> to<00:10:57.920> do<00:10:58.079> that?

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Like<00:11:08.000> what<00:11:08.160> was<00:11:08.320> the<00:11:08.560> thought<00:11:08.880> process

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behind<00:11:12.079> the<00:11:12.240> action<00:11:12.640> you<00:11:12.959> just<00:11:13.120> took?"

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[Music]<00:11:18.560> An<00:11:18.880> example,<00:11:19.360> you<00:11:19.600> ask?

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Sure.<00:11:21.519> You<00:11:21.680> got<00:11:21.920> it.

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Last<00:11:23.279> week.<00:11:24.079> Okay.<00:11:24.480> Last<00:11:24.800> week,<00:11:25.279> our<00:11:25.600> dog<00:11:25.839> threw<00:11:26.160> up<00:11:26.240> on<00:11:26.399> the<00:11:26.560> carpet<00:11:27.279> and<00:11:27.440> then<00:11:27.680> my<00:11:27.920> husband<00:11:28.320> cleaned<00:11:28.560> it<00:11:28.720> up<00:11:28.959> using<00:11:29.200> a<00:11:29.440> dustpan<00:11:30.000> and<00:11:30.240> brush.

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That's<00:11:33.519> the<00:11:33.680> most<00:11:34.000> man<00:11:34.320> thing<00:11:34.640> I've<00:11:34.959> ever<00:11:35.120> seen<00:11:35.360> in<00:11:35.519> my<00:11:35.680> life.

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Ever<00:11:36.320> seen.<00:11:37.839> Okay,<00:11:38.240> here's<00:11:38.560> how<00:11:38.720> I<00:11:38.880> know<00:11:39.040> it's<00:11:39.279> something<00:11:39.519> only<00:11:39.760> a<00:11:40.000> man<00:11:40.240> would<00:11:40.399> do<00:11:40.640> is<00:11:40.959> I<00:11:41.279> can<00:11:41.440> see<00:11:41.600> you<00:11:41.839> guys.

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And<00:11:45.200> when<00:11:45.440> I<00:11:45.680> said<00:11:45.920> that,<00:11:46.959> I<00:11:47.279> saw<00:11:47.519> what<00:11:47.760> happened,<00:11:48.079> which<00:11:48.320> was<00:11:48.560> a<00:11:48.800> lot<00:11:48.880> of<00:11:49.040> women<00:11:49.519> looked<00:11:49.839> back<00:11:50.000> at<00:11:50.240> me<00:11:50.480> like,<00:11:50.720> "Ew,<00:11:51.120> gross.

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I<00:11:51.680> can't<00:11:51.760> believe<00:11:52.000> he<00:11:52.160> did<00:11:52.320> that."<00:11:53.120> And<00:11:53.360> a<00:11:53.600> lot<00:11:53.680> of<00:11:53.839> men<00:11:54.480> looked<00:11:54.800> back<00:11:54.959> at<00:11:55.120> me<00:11:55.519> like,<00:11:55.839> "I<00:11:56.240> don't<00:11:56.399> get<00:11:56.640> it."

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I<00:12:00.399> don't<00:12:00.560> know<00:12:00.640> what<00:12:00.800> he<00:12:01.040> was<00:12:01.200> supposed<00:12:01.360> to<00:12:01.519> use.<00:12:04.000> Paper<00:12:04.320> towels.

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I<00:12:07.600> It's<00:12:07.760> fine.<00:12:08.000> The<00:12:08.240> first<00:12:08.320> time<00:12:08.480> my<00:12:08.720> husband<00:12:08.959> ever<00:12:09.200> heard<00:12:09.360> me<00:12:09.519> tell<00:12:09.760> that<00:12:10.000> story<00:12:10.160> on<00:12:10.399> stage,<00:12:10.880> he<00:12:11.120> got<00:12:11.440> so<00:12:11.839> defensive<00:12:13.760> 'cause<00:12:14.000> he<00:12:14.240> was<00:12:14.399> like,<00:12:14.560> "That<00:12:14.959> wasn't<00:12:15.360> last

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week."

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All<00:12:20.321> right.

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I<00:12:24.547> love<00:12:24.853> my<00:12:25.160> husband.<00:12:25.467> I'm<00:12:25.773> pro-husband.<00:12:26.080> My<00:12:26.387> husband<00:12:26.693> is<00:12:27.000> uh<00:12:27.307> he's<00:12:27.613> older<00:12:27.920> than<00:12:28.227> I<00:12:28.533> am,<00:12:28.840> too,<00:12:29.147> in<00:12:29.453> a<00:12:29.760> way.

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Like,<00:12:30.480> it's<00:12:30.959> it's<00:12:31.600> it's<00:12:31.839> not<00:12:32.000> nasty.

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Like,<00:12:32.560> the<00:12:32.639> way<00:12:32.720> I<00:12:32.880> said<00:12:33.040> it,<00:12:33.279> it<00:12:33.440> came.<00:12:34.639> It's<00:12:34.720> not<00:12:35.440> it's<00:12:35.839> not<00:12:36.000> that<00:12:36.399> bad,<00:12:37.120> right?

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Well,<00:12:37.680> he's<00:12:37.920> older<00:12:38.160> than<00:12:38.240> I<00:12:38.399> am,<00:12:38.480> but<00:12:38.639> you<00:12:38.800> wouldn't<00:12:39.040> look<00:12:39.120> at<00:12:39.279> us<00:12:39.440> together<00:12:39.680> and<00:12:39.920> be<00:12:40.079> like,<00:12:40.160> "Oh,<00:12:40.480> she<00:12:40.639> doesn't<00:12:40.880> talk<00:12:40.959> to<00:12:41.120> her<00:12:41.360> dad."

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Like,<00:12:41.920> it's<00:12:42.160> not<00:12:42.320> that<00:12:42.560> bad.

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our<00:12:48.720> age<00:12:48.959> gap.<00:12:49.519> When<00:12:49.760> we<00:12:50.000> met,<00:12:50.480> he<00:12:50.800> was<00:12:51.040> 34<00:12:51.680> and<00:12:52.000> I<00:12:52.320> was<00:12:52.560> 25,<00:12:54.000> which<00:12:54.320> I<00:12:54.560> honestly<00:12:55.040> didn't<00:12:55.360> think<00:12:55.600> anything<00:12:55.920> of<00:12:56.240> at<00:12:56.480> the

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time,<00:12:57.440> but<00:12:58.399> on<00:12:58.720> my<00:12:58.959> 34th<00:12:59.519> birthday,<00:13:00.160> I<00:13:00.480> distinctly<00:13:01.040> remember<00:13:01.680> blowing<00:13:02.079> out<00:13:02.240> my<00:13:02.399> candles,<00:13:03.120> looking<00:13:03.360> up<00:13:03.519> at<00:13:03.680> him,<00:13:03.920> and<00:13:04.160> realizing,<00:13:04.959> "You

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creep.<00:13:08.290> [Applause]

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What<00:13:12.880> was<00:13:13.040> he<00:13:13.360> doing<00:13:13.600> with<00:13:13.839> me?<00:13:14.240> That's<00:13:14.639> so<00:13:15.040> gross.

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'Cause

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would<00:13:19.680> I<00:13:19.920> date<00:13:20.160> a<00:13:20.399> 25-year-old<00:13:21.360> guy<00:13:21.760> now<00:13:22.079> at<00:13:22.320> this<00:13:22.480> point<00:13:22.639> in<00:13:22.800> my<00:13:22.959> life?

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Absolutely<00:13:24.160> not.<00:13:24.959> So<00:13:25.200> gross.

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I<00:13:25.920> think<00:13:26.000> it's<00:13:26.160> 'cause<00:13:26.480> 25-year-old<00:13:27.200> guys<00:13:27.519> are<00:13:27.760> bad<00:13:28.079> at<00:13:28.399> everything.

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Like<00:13:31.200> I'm<00:13:31.440> sure<00:13:31.519> you<00:13:31.760> have<00:13:31.920> like<00:13:32.160> life<00:13:32.480> skills<00:13:32.800> or<00:13:33.040> whatever,<00:13:33.360> but<00:13:33.519> like<00:13:33.839> sexually<00:13:34.720> they're<00:13:35.040> bad<00:13:35.279> at<00:13:35.440> everything,<00:13:36.160> right?

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There's<00:13:36.973> not<00:13:37.225> a<00:13:37.478> single<00:13:37.730> 25-year-old<00:13:37.983> guy<00:13:38.235> who's<00:13:38.488> like<00:13:38.741> good<00:13:38.993> at<00:13:39.246> eating<00:13:39.498> [<00:13:39.751> __<00:13:40.004> ]<00:13:40.256> They're<00:13:40.509> all<00:13:40.761> so<00:13:41.014> bad<00:13:41.266> at<00:13:41.519> it.

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25-year-old<00:13:42.123> guys<00:13:42.406> are<00:13:42.690> so<00:13:42.974> bad<00:13:43.257> at<00:13:43.541> eating<00:13:43.824> [<00:13:44.108> __<00:13:44.392> ]<00:13:44.675> They<00:13:44.959> are.

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And<00:13:45.279> if<00:13:45.440> you're<00:13:45.839> 25<00:13:46.240> and<00:13:46.480> you're<00:13:46.720> in<00:13:46.880> here<00:13:47.040> and<00:13:47.200> you're<00:13:47.440> like,<00:13:47.680> I'm<00:13:47.920> the<00:13:48.079> exception.

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There<00:13:48.800> are<00:13:48.959> zero<00:13:49.519> exceptions.

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You<00:13:57.199> know<00:13:57.279> why?<00:13:57.680> It's<00:13:57.920> not<00:13:58.079> their<00:13:58.320> fault.<00:13:58.639> It's<00:13:58.880> not<00:13:59.120> It's<00:13:59.279> not<00:13:59.440> at<00:13:59.519> all<00:13:59.680> their<00:13:59.920> fault.

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It's<00:14:00.639> It's<00:14:00.959> because<00:14:01.519> it's<00:14:01.839> not<00:14:02.160> an<00:14:02.480> experience<00:14:03.279> thing.

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It's<00:14:04.240> an<00:14:04.480> attitude<00:14:05.040> thing.<00:14:06.079> Right?

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25-year-old<00:14:07.199> guys,<00:14:07.519> when<00:14:07.760> they<00:14:07.920> go<00:14:08.079> down<00:14:08.320> on<00:14:08.560> a<00:14:08.720> lady,<00:14:09.199> they're<00:14:09.440> doing<00:14:09.600> it<00:14:09.760> to<00:14:10.000> check<00:14:10.240> it<00:14:10.399> off<00:14:10.480> a<00:14:10.720> list<00:14:10.880> and<00:14:11.120> then<00:14:11.279> be<00:14:11.440> like,<00:14:11.519> "I'm<00:14:11.839> a<00:14:12.000> feminist."

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And<00:14:16.000> that's<00:14:16.320> great.<00:14:16.800> But<00:14:16.959> the<00:14:17.199> reason<00:14:17.360> it<00:14:17.600> gets<00:14:17.839> so<00:14:18.000> much<00:14:18.240> better<00:14:18.399> when<00:14:18.639> men<00:14:18.880> get<00:14:19.040> older,<00:14:19.440> like<00:14:19.600> when<00:14:19.760> they<00:14:19.839> get<00:14:19.920> to<00:14:20.079> be<00:14:20.240> in<00:14:20.399> their<00:14:20.560> 40s<00:14:20.880> and<00:14:21.040> up,<00:14:21.440> the<00:14:21.680> reason<00:14:21.839> it's<00:14:22.079> so

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much<00:14:22.515> better<00:14:22.790> is<00:14:23.065> because<00:14:23.340> those<00:14:23.615> guys,<00:14:23.890> they're<00:14:24.165> eating<00:14:24.440> [<00:14:24.714> __<00:14:24.989> ]<00:14:25.264> so<00:14:25.539> that<00:14:25.814> they<00:14:26.089> don't<00:14:26.364> die<00:14:26.639> alone.

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And<00:14:35.839> that<00:14:36.079> is<00:14:36.320> so<00:14:36.639> much<00:14:36.880> better.

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Truly,<00:14:40.080> they're<00:14:40.400> eating<00:14:40.720> [<00:14:41.040> __<00:14:41.359> ]<00:14:41.679> with<00:14:41.999> fear<00:14:42.319> and<00:14:42.639> terror.

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And<00:14:47.120> that<00:14:47.519> is<00:14:47.680> what<00:14:47.920> makes<00:14:48.160> me<00:14:48.399> come.

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If<00:14:52.560> I<00:14:52.720> see<00:14:52.800> the<00:14:52.959> whites<00:14:53.279> of<00:14:53.360> your<00:14:53.519> eyes,<00:14:53.760> it's<00:14:53.920> over.

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You<00:14:54.399> know<00:14:54.480> what<00:14:54.639> I<00:14:54.800> mean?

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Thanks.<00:15:05.760> That's<00:15:06.079> the<00:15:06.639> That's<00:15:06.880> the<00:15:07.120> woo<00:15:07.519> of<00:15:07.680> a<00:15:08.000> of<00:15:08.320> a<00:15:08.560> sated<00:15:09.199> older<00:15:09.600> lady.

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[Laughter]

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It's<00:15:14.880> uh<00:15:15.440> that's<00:15:15.680> interesting.<00:15:16.079> My<00:15:16.240> husband<00:15:16.399> and<00:15:16.560> I,<00:15:16.720> we've<00:15:16.880> we've<00:15:17.199> been<00:15:17.360> talking<00:15:17.600> about<00:15:17.839> having<00:15:18.160> kids<00:15:18.480> a<00:15:18.720> lot<00:15:18.880> lately,<00:15:19.360> which<00:15:19.519> is<00:15:19.680> so<00:15:19.920> wild<00:15:20.240> to<00:15:20.480> think<00:15:20.560> that<00:15:20.800> I'm<00:15:21.040> old

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enough<00:15:21.600> to<00:15:21.839> do<00:15:22.079> that.<00:15:22.639> I'm<00:15:22.959> not<00:15:23.199> only<00:15:23.360> am<00:15:23.519> I<00:15:23.600> old<00:15:23.760> enough<00:15:23.920> to<00:15:24.160> have<00:15:24.320> kids,<00:15:24.639> I'm<00:15:24.959> running<00:15:25.199> out<00:15:25.360> of<00:15:25.519> time.

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I'm<00:15:27.120> at<00:15:27.360> the<00:15:27.519> age<00:15:27.680> where<00:15:27.920> I<00:15:28.079> keep<00:15:28.320> getting<00:15:28.480> asked<00:15:28.800> if<00:15:29.040> I'm<00:15:29.120> going<00:15:29.199> to<00:15:29.360> freeze<00:15:29.680> my<00:15:29.920> eggs<00:15:30.240> and<00:15:30.480> I<00:15:30.639> keep<00:15:30.800> having<00:15:31.040> to<00:15:31.279> explain<00:15:31.600> that<00:15:31.839> I<00:15:32.000> can<00:15:32.160> barely<00:15:32.480> afford<00:15:32.880> eggs,

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right?<00:15:36.880> My<00:15:37.040> husband<00:15:37.199> and<00:15:37.360> I,<00:15:37.519> we<00:15:37.680> don't<00:15:37.839> have<00:15:38.000> kids<00:15:38.320> right<00:15:38.480> now<00:15:38.639> or<00:15:38.800> a<00:15:38.880> dustpan<00:15:39.199> and<00:15:39.360> brush<00:15:39.600> anymore<00:15:39.839> 'cause<00:15:40.000> we<00:15:40.079> had<00:15:40.160> to<00:15:40.240> throw<00:15:40.399> it<00:15:40.560> away.

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But

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I<00:15:45.120> have<00:15:45.199> to<00:15:45.360> say,<00:15:45.680> this<00:15:45.920> is<00:15:46.079> so<00:15:46.240> embarrassing<00:15:46.639> to<00:15:46.800> admit,<00:15:47.120> but<00:15:47.360> a<00:15:47.519> big<00:15:47.680> thing<00:15:47.760> that's<00:15:48.079> stopping<00:15:48.399> me<00:15:48.560> from<00:15:48.800> having<00:15:49.040> kids<00:15:49.360> is,<00:15:49.519> "I<00:15:49.839> don't<00:15:50.000> want<00:15:50.160> to<00:15:50.320> have<00:15:50.399> a<00:15:50.639> boy."

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And<00:15:51.920> you're<00:15:52.320> not<00:15:52.639> supposed<00:15:52.959> to<00:15:53.120> say<00:15:53.360> that.

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I'm<00:15:55.120> well<00:15:55.279> aware.<00:15:55.759> When<00:15:56.000> somebody<00:15:56.320> asks<00:15:56.720> you,<00:15:57.279> "What<00:15:57.600> do<00:15:57.759> you<00:15:57.839> want<00:15:57.920> to<00:15:58.079> have,<00:15:58.480> boy<00:15:58.720> or<00:15:58.959> girl?"

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You're<00:15:59.839> supposed<00:16:00.160> to<00:16:00.399> say,<00:16:01.279> "I<00:16:01.680> don't<00:16:01.920> care<00:16:03.120> as<00:16:03.440> long<00:16:03.600> as<00:16:03.839> they're<00:16:04.160> healthy."

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But<00:16:05.839> I've<00:16:06.079> given<00:16:06.320> it<00:16:06.560> a<00:16:06.800> lot<00:16:06.880> of<00:16:07.040> thought,<00:16:07.600> and<00:16:07.839> I<00:16:08.079> would<00:16:08.240> rather<00:16:08.480> have<00:16:08.560> a<00:16:08.800> sick<00:16:09.199> girl.

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would<00:16:15.360> fully<00:16:15.920> rather<00:16:16.240> have<00:16:16.399> a<00:16:16.560> frail,<00:16:16.959> sickly<00:16:17.440> daughter<00:16:17.839> than<00:16:18.079> a<00:16:18.320> strong,<00:16:18.639> healthy<00:16:19.040> son.

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It's<00:16:21.680> not<00:16:21.920> I'm<00:16:22.079> not<00:16:22.240> trying<00:16:22.320> to<00:16:22.480> be<00:16:22.560> insensitive.<00:16:23.040> It's<00:16:23.199> not<00:16:23.360> that<00:16:23.440> I<00:16:23.600> hate<00:16:23.839> men,<00:16:24.160> right?

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I<00:16:24.560> don't<00:16:24.720> hate<00:16:24.880> men<00:16:25.120> at<00:16:25.360> all.<00:16:25.519> I<00:16:25.680> know<00:16:25.759> I<00:16:25.920> give<00:16:26.079> off<00:16:26.240> that<00:16:26.480> vibe<00:16:26.720> 'cause<00:16:26.880> I<00:16:27.040> have<00:16:27.120> a<00:16:27.279> few<00:16:27.440> jokes<00:16:27.600> about<00:16:27.759> it<00:16:27.839> and<00:16:28.079> a<00:16:28.240> nose<00:16:28.480> ring,<00:16:28.880> but<00:16:29.120> I<00:16:29.360> don't<00:16:29.519> hate<00:16:29.759> men.

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The<00:16:32.079> reason<00:16:32.240> I<00:16:32.480> don't<00:16:32.560> want<00:16:32.720> to<00:16:32.800> have<00:16:32.880> a<00:16:33.040> boy,<00:16:33.519> one<00:16:33.839> is<00:16:34.160> because<00:16:35.040> uh<00:16:35.199> I<00:16:35.519> don't<00:16:35.680> know<00:16:36.160> what<00:16:36.720> like<00:16:37.120> boy<00:16:37.440> issues<00:16:38.000> are.

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You<00:16:38.959> know<00:16:39.040> what<00:16:39.199> I<00:16:39.279> mean?<00:16:39.519> Like<00:16:39.759> I<00:16:39.839> I<00:16:40.160> don't<00:16:40.240> know<00:16:40.399> where<00:16:40.560> that's<00:16:40.880> coming<00:16:41.040> from.

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I<00:16:41.440> know<00:16:41.519> where<00:16:41.759> girl<00:16:41.920> issues<00:16:42.240> are<00:16:42.480> coming<00:16:42.639> from.<00:16:42.959> I<00:16:43.440> understand<00:16:43.759> it's<00:16:44.000> society,<00:16:44.480> but<00:16:44.639> I<00:16:44.800> don't<00:16:44.880> know<00:16:44.959> what<00:16:45.199> boy<00:16:45.759> I<00:16:46.000> don't<00:16:46.079> know<00:16:46.320> boy<00:16:46.560> issues.

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I<00:16:47.279> And<00:16:47.519> I<00:16:47.759> know<00:16:48.000> men<00:16:48.399> have<00:16:48.800> issues<00:16:49.279> 'cause<00:16:49.440> I've<00:16:49.680> read<00:16:49.839> the<00:16:50.079> comments<00:16:50.320> they<00:16:50.560> leave<00:16:50.720> on<00:16:50.959> my<00:16:51.120> videos,

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but<00:16:56.639> I<00:16:56.880> don't<00:16:56.959> know<00:16:57.120> where<00:16:57.360> it<00:16:57.519> comes<00:16:57.759> from.<00:16:58.320> The<00:16:58.560> other<00:16:58.800> reason<00:16:58.959> I<00:16:59.279> don't<00:16:59.360> want<00:16:59.440> to<00:16:59.600> have<00:16:59.680> a<00:16:59.920> boy<00:17:00.399> is<00:17:00.720> because<00:17:00.959> when<00:17:01.199> you<00:17:01.360> give<00:17:01.600> birth<00:17:01.839> to<00:17:02.000> a<00:17:02.240> boy<00:17:02.399> in<00:17:02.639> this<00:17:02.800> country,<00:17:03.839> one

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of<00:17:04.160> the<00:17:04.480> first<00:17:04.880> questions<00:17:05.360> that<00:17:05.600> the<00:17:05.760> doctor<00:17:06.079> asks<00:17:06.480> you<00:17:06.720> as<00:17:06.959> the<00:17:07.199> mother<00:17:07.839> is,<00:17:08.160> "Do<00:17:08.480> you<00:17:08.640> want<00:17:08.720> to<00:17:08.880> circumcise<00:17:09.520> him?"

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And<00:17:11.039> sorry,<00:17:11.520> but<00:17:11.839> that's<00:17:12.079> a<00:17:12.480> crazy<00:17:12.880> decision<00:17:13.360> that<00:17:13.600> I<00:17:13.839> now<00:17:14.079> have<00:17:14.240> to<00:17:14.400> make<00:17:14.640> for<00:17:14.959> somebody<00:17:15.199> I<00:17:15.600> just<00:17:15.919> met.

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I<00:17:21.919> don't<00:17:22.079> know<00:17:22.319> his<00:17:22.640> name<00:17:22.959> yet.<00:17:24.079> Okay.

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And<00:17:24.959> you<00:17:25.120> want<00:17:25.280> me<00:17:25.360> to<00:17:25.520> figure<00:17:25.679> out<00:17:25.839> what<00:17:26.000> to<00:17:26.160> do<00:17:26.240> with<00:17:26.400> his<00:17:26.640> dick?

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It<00:17:28.880> just<00:17:29.039> it<00:17:29.280> feels<00:17:29.520> like<00:17:29.760> college<00:17:30.160> all<00:17:30.400> over<00:17:30.720> again.

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[Music]<00:17:37.360> Yeah.

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I<00:17:38.640> think<00:17:38.960> uh<00:17:39.120> I'm<00:17:39.360> supposed<00:17:39.600> to<00:17:39.760> just<00:17:39.919> circumcise<00:17:40.480> my<00:17:40.640> son<00:17:40.880> 'cause<00:17:41.039> I'm<00:17:41.280> Jewish<00:17:41.520> and<00:17:41.760> that's<00:17:41.919> what<00:17:42.080> we<00:17:42.240> do.

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It's<00:17:42.880> not<00:17:42.960> all<00:17:43.120> we<00:17:43.280> do.<00:17:43.440> We<00:17:43.600> do<00:17:43.760> other<00:17:43.919> things,<00:17:44.160> too.<00:17:44.400> But<00:17:44.480> that's<00:17:45.360> one<00:17:45.520> of<00:17:45.600> the<00:17:45.760> things

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we<00:17:48.880> do<00:17:49.039> it<00:17:49.280> because<00:17:50.080> um<00:17:50.320> God<00:17:50.880> promised<00:17:51.280> Abraham<00:17:51.919> to<00:17:52.240> protect<00:17:52.559> him<00:17:52.720> and<00:17:52.960> his<00:17:53.120> descendants<00:17:53.840> if<00:17:54.160> him<00:17:54.320> and<00:17:54.480> his<00:17:54.640> male<00:17:54.880> descendants<00:17:55.360> would<00:17:55.600> get<00:17:55.760> circumcised.

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And<00:17:57.360> I<00:17:57.520> know<00:17:57.679> that<00:17:57.919> makes<00:17:58.160> God<00:17:58.400> sound<00:17:58.640> like<00:17:58.720> the<00:17:58.960> most<00:17:59.120> toxic<00:17:59.520> girlfriend.

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I<00:18:02.080> know<00:18:02.160> I'm<00:18:02.400> not<00:18:02.480> the<00:18:02.720> first<00:18:02.880> person<00:18:03.120> to<00:18:03.280> point<00:18:03.520> this<00:18:03.679> out,<00:18:04.000> but<00:18:04.160> the<00:18:04.320> Old<00:18:04.559> Testament<00:18:05.280> is<00:18:05.600> full<00:18:05.760> of<00:18:05.919> God<00:18:06.240> being<00:18:06.480> very<00:18:06.720> petty<00:18:07.039> and<00:18:07.200> insecure.

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Just<00:18:08.160> going<00:18:08.320> up<00:18:08.480> to<00:18:08.640> every<00:18:08.960> guy<00:18:09.280> asking<00:18:09.600> for<00:18:09.919> sacrifice<00:18:10.480> after<00:18:10.799> sacrifice.

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And<00:18:12.080> you're<00:18:12.320> like,<00:18:12.480> "Where<00:18:12.880> does<00:18:13.039> this<00:18:13.440> end?

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Jesus<00:18:14.480> Christ."

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Okay.<00:18:21.840> Really?

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That<00:18:26.960> one's<00:18:27.280> fun<00:18:27.520> because<00:18:27.760> it's<00:18:28.000> a<00:18:28.160> thinker,<00:18:28.559> but<00:18:28.720> it's<00:18:28.960> so<00:18:29.280> dumb.

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I<00:18:33.679> uh<00:18:33.840> I<00:18:34.240> sometimes<00:18:34.720> I<00:18:34.960> tweet<00:18:35.360> my<00:18:35.600> jokes<00:18:36.880> and<00:18:37.120> I<00:18:37.360> tweeted<00:18:37.679> out<00:18:37.840> a<00:18:38.000> bunch<00:18:38.160> of<00:18:38.400> jokes<00:18:38.640> about<00:18:38.880> circumcision<00:18:39.600> one<00:18:39.840> time<00:18:40.000> because<00:18:40.160> I<00:18:40.400> was<00:18:40.480> trying<00:18:40.720> to<00:18:40.880> work<00:18:41.039> out<00:18:41.360> this

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circumcision<00:18:43.679> bit<00:18:44.240> chunk<00:18:44.720> snippet.

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I<00:18:45.520> don't<00:18:45.600> know.<00:18:46.640> I<00:18:46.880> wrote<00:18:47.039> three<00:18:47.280> puns<00:18:47.600> for<00:18:47.760> you.

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And<00:18:49.360> uh<00:18:49.520> I<00:18:49.760> tweeted,<00:18:50.240> okay,<00:18:50.480> here's<00:18:50.720> one<00:18:50.799> of<00:18:50.880> the<00:18:51.039> jokes<00:18:51.200> that<00:18:51.360> I<00:18:51.440> tweeted.

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It<00:18:51.919> got<00:18:52.000> me<00:18:52.160> in<00:18:52.320> so<00:18:52.480> much<00:18:52.640> trouble.<00:18:53.200> I<00:18:53.520> tweeted,<00:18:54.320> "I<00:18:54.640> would<00:18:54.880> circumcise<00:18:55.440> my<00:18:55.679> son<00:18:56.160> because,<00:18:56.640> you<00:18:56.799> know,<00:18:57.039> he<00:18:57.280> ruins<00:18:57.679> my<00:18:57.840> body,<00:18:58.160> I<00:18:58.320> ruin<00:18:58.640> his."

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Yeah.

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And<00:19:06.320> then<00:19:06.640> a<00:19:06.960> lot<00:19:07.039> of<00:19:07.200> people<00:19:07.679> sent<00:19:07.919> me<00:19:08.080> a<00:19:08.320> lot<00:19:08.400> of<00:19:08.559> pictures<00:19:08.960> I<00:19:09.280> did<00:19:09.440> not<00:19:09.600> ask<00:19:09.840> for.

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That<00:19:13.360> was<00:19:13.440> a<00:19:13.760> wild<00:19:14.160> day<00:19:14.400> on<00:19:14.559> the<00:19:14.720> internet<00:19:15.039> for<00:19:15.280> me.

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People<00:19:17.360> got<00:19:17.520> mad<00:19:17.760> at<00:19:17.919> me<00:19:18.160> on<00:19:18.400> the<00:19:18.640> internet.

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What?<00:19:19.440> Yeah,<00:19:19.679> people<00:19:19.919> got<00:19:20.080> really<00:19:20.320> mad<00:19:20.480> at<00:19:20.640> me<00:19:20.799> for<00:19:21.039> that<00:19:21.200> joke.

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I<00:19:22.160> didn't<00:19:22.320> know<00:19:22.400> this<00:19:22.640> when<00:19:22.799> I<00:19:22.960> tweeted<00:19:23.280> it<00:19:23.440> because<00:19:23.600> I<00:19:23.760> had<00:19:23.919> never<00:19:24.080> really<00:19:24.320> given<00:19:24.559> it<00:19:24.720> that<00:19:24.960> much<00:19:25.200> thought,<00:19:25.760> but<00:19:26.080> there<00:19:26.320> are<00:19:26.559> people<00:19:26.720> who<00:19:26.960> are<00:19:27.120> like<00:19:27.440> very<00:19:27.919> anti-circumcision.

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And<00:19:29.679> I<00:19:29.919> get<00:19:30.000> it.<00:19:30.240> I<00:19:30.480> understand<00:19:31.120> their<00:19:31.440> reasons,<00:19:32.240> but<00:19:32.559> they<00:19:32.880> were<00:19:33.120> really<00:19:33.440> mean<00:19:33.679> to<00:19:33.919> me<00:19:34.080> when<00:19:34.320> they<00:19:34.559> explained<00:19:35.039> them.

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They<00:19:35.919> were<00:19:36.160> so<00:19:36.400> mean<00:19:36.640> to<00:19:36.799> me.<00:19:37.039> They<00:19:37.280> call,<00:19:37.520> just<00:19:37.679> so<00:19:37.840> you<00:19:38.000> know,<00:19:38.400> there's<00:19:38.640> a<00:19:38.799> community<00:19:39.280> of<00:19:39.600> people.

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They<00:19:40.240> they<00:19:40.559> found<00:19:40.799> each<00:19:40.960> other<00:19:41.120> and<00:19:41.360> then<00:19:41.440> they<00:19:41.679> found<00:19:41.840> my<00:19:42.000> mentions.

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They<00:19:43.919> they<00:19:44.320> call<00:19:44.480> themselves<00:19:45.120> inactivists<00:19:47.280> and<00:19:47.520> that's<00:19:47.760> objectively<00:19:48.480> hilarious.

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That<00:19:51.200> is<00:19:51.440> such<00:19:51.840> good<00:19:52.240> writing.<00:19:53.039> I<00:19:53.520> love<00:19:53.760> it.

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But<00:19:54.559> they<00:19:54.880> were<00:19:55.039> so<00:19:55.280> mean<00:19:55.440> to<00:19:55.600> me.<00:19:55.760> I<00:19:56.000> call<00:19:56.080> them<00:19:56.240> foreskin<00:19:56.799> heads.

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[Applause]<00:20:02.720> I<00:20:02.880> know.

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I'm<00:20:03.200> a<00:20:03.360> better<00:20:03.600> writer.<00:20:03.919> I<00:20:04.160> don't<00:20:04.240> know<00:20:04.320> what<00:20:04.480> to<00:20:04.559> tell<00:20:04.640> you.

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When<00:20:08.640> uh<00:20:08.799> when<00:20:09.039> you<00:20:09.200> have<00:20:09.440> kids,<00:20:09.919> I<00:20:10.160> think<00:20:10.240> it's<00:20:10.960> uh<00:20:11.280> super<00:20:11.679> important<00:20:12.720> to<00:20:12.960> figure<00:20:13.200> out<00:20:13.360> what<00:20:13.520> you're<00:20:13.679> going<00:20:13.760> to<00:20:13.840> name<00:20:14.080> them<00:20:14.320> and<00:20:14.559> really<00:20:14.880> think<00:20:15.039> about<00:20:15.200> what<00:20:15.440> you're<00:20:15.600> going

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to<00:20:15.760> name<00:20:16.000> them<00:20:16.240> because<00:20:16.480> my<00:20:16.720> parents<00:20:17.200> messed<00:20:17.600> up.

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Dude,<00:20:19.360> I<00:20:19.600> don't<00:20:19.679> know<00:20:19.840> how<00:20:20.000> to<00:20:20.160> pronounce<00:20:20.480> my<00:20:20.720> own<00:20:20.880> name.

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I<00:20:22.480> don't<00:20:22.720> Everybody<00:20:23.120> my<00:20:23.280> whole<00:20:23.520> life<00:20:23.679> has<00:20:23.840> said<00:20:24.000> it<00:20:24.160> differently.

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So,<00:20:24.799> I<00:20:24.960> just<00:20:25.039> like<00:20:25.280> don't<00:20:25.440> know<00:20:25.520> what<00:20:25.679> to<00:20:25.840> do<00:20:26.000> anymore<00:20:27.120> 'cause<00:20:27.679> you<00:20:27.840> know,<00:20:28.080> Jews<00:20:28.720> say<00:20:28.880> my<00:20:29.120> name<00:20:29.280> one<00:20:29.600> way,<00:20:30.000> which<00:20:30.159> is<00:20:30.400> Ariel.

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But<00:20:32.000> my<00:20:32.320> dad<00:20:32.559> is<00:20:32.960> Spanish<00:20:33.760> and<00:20:34.080> Spanish<00:20:34.559> people<00:20:34.880> say<00:20:35.120> it<00:20:35.760> Ariel.

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But<00:20:37.360> I<00:20:37.600> grew<00:20:37.760> up<00:20:37.919> in<00:20:38.240> Kentucky<00:20:39.360> and<00:20:39.679> they<00:20:40.000> say<00:20:40.159> it<00:20:40.880> earlier

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is<00:20:51.600> Earl<00:20:52.000> came<00:20:52.159> out<00:20:53.600> and<00:20:53.840> I<00:20:54.000> was<00:20:54.080> like<00:20:54.320> mine<00:20:54.640> too,<00:20:55.039> honestly.

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Well,<00:20:59.039> 'cause<00:20:59.280> I<00:20:59.440> was<00:20:59.600> so<00:20:59.760> excited<00:21:00.080> to<00:21:00.320> not<00:21:00.480> be<00:21:00.640> compared<00:21:00.880> to<00:21:01.039> the<00:21:01.200> Little<00:21:01.440> Mermaid<00:21:01.840> for<00:21:02.000> once,<00:21:02.400> 'cause<00:21:02.640> that's<00:21:02.880> really<00:21:03.120> the<00:21:03.440> conversation<00:21:03.919> I<00:21:04.159> would<00:21:04.320> always<00:21:04.559> have<00:21:04.799> when<00:21:05.039> I<00:21:05.200> introduced

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myself<00:21:05.919> to<00:21:06.159> people<00:21:06.960> where<00:21:07.280> I<00:21:07.520> would<00:21:07.760> say,<00:21:08.240> "Hi,<00:21:08.720> I'm<00:21:08.960> Ariel.

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Nice<00:21:09.760> to<00:21:09.919> meet<00:21:10.080> you."<00:21:10.480> And<00:21:10.640> then<00:21:10.799> they<00:21:11.039> would<00:21:11.200> say,<00:21:11.919> "Oh<00:21:12.320> my<00:21:12.480> gosh,<00:21:13.840> like<00:21:14.080> the<00:21:14.320> Little<00:21:14.559> Mermaid."

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I<00:21:16.917> panicked<00:21:17.114> and<00:21:17.311> I<00:21:17.508> was<00:21:17.705> like,<00:21:17.902> "No,<00:21:18.098> like<00:21:18.295> the<00:21:18.492> former<00:21:18.689> prime<00:21:18.886> minister<00:21:19.083> of<00:21:19.280> Israel."

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[Laughter]

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And<00:21:24.320> then<00:21:24.480> they<00:21:24.640> said,<00:21:24.720> "Hey,<00:21:25.120> why<00:21:25.280> are<00:21:25.440> you<00:21:25.600> like<00:21:25.760> this?

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My<00:21:30.080> dad,<00:21:30.320> oh,<00:21:30.559> by<00:21:30.720> the<00:21:30.799> way,<00:21:30.960> my<00:21:31.120> dad<00:21:31.280> is<00:21:31.520> Spanish.

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He's<00:21:32.720> also<00:21:33.200> Jewish.<00:21:34.480> That<00:21:34.799> confuses<00:21:35.360> people<00:21:35.679> sometimes.

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And<00:21:36.640> then<00:21:36.880> I<00:21:37.039> have<00:21:37.200> to<00:21:37.360> explain<00:21:37.760> that<00:21:38.000> Spain<00:21:38.320> used<00:21:38.559> to<00:21:38.720> have<00:21:38.960> Jews<00:21:39.360> and<00:21:39.520> then<00:21:39.679> they<00:21:39.840> expelled<00:21:40.240> them<00:21:40.400> all<00:21:40.640> and<00:21:40.880> some<00:21:41.039> of<00:21:41.120> them<00:21:41.280> stayed<00:21:41.600> Jewish.

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And<00:21:42.159> that's<00:21:42.320> my<00:21:42.559> dad,<00:21:43.280> right?<00:21:44.320> Spain,<00:21:44.880> this<00:21:45.039> is<00:21:45.120> a<00:21:45.360> fun<00:21:45.679> fact,<00:21:46.720> the<00:21:46.960> country<00:21:47.280> of<00:21:47.520> Spain<00:21:48.480> has<00:21:48.799> no<00:21:49.120> idea<00:21:49.679> how<00:21:50.000> many

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Jews<00:21:50.559> they<00:21:50.720> expelled<00:21:51.200> during<00:21:51.440> the<00:21:51.600> Inquisition.<00:21:52.720> And<00:21:52.880> I<00:21:53.120> read<00:21:53.200> that<00:21:53.360> and<00:21:53.520> I<00:21:53.600> was<00:21:53.679> like,<00:21:53.919> well,<00:21:54.080> yeah,<00:21:54.400> maybe<00:21:54.640> you<00:21:54.799> would<00:21:54.960> know<00:21:55.039> how<00:21:55.200> many<00:21:55.360> Jews<00:21:55.600> you<00:21:55.760> expelled<00:21:56.080> if<00:21:56.240> you

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hadn't<00:21:56.640> gotten<00:21:56.880> rid<00:21:57.039> of<00:21:57.200> all<00:21:57.360> of<00:21:57.440> the<00:21:57.679> accountants.<00:21:58.400> Like,

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feels<00:22:04.960> like<00:22:05.039> an<00:22:05.280> unforced<00:22:05.919> error<00:22:06.159> on<00:22:06.480> your<00:22:06.720> part<00:22:07.360> a<00:22:07.600> bit.

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Are<00:22:09.200> there<00:22:09.440> enough<00:22:09.679> Jews<00:22:09.919> in<00:22:10.080> here<00:22:10.159> for<00:22:10.320> that<00:22:10.480> to<00:22:10.640> be<00:22:10.720> fun<00:22:10.960> for<00:22:11.200> everybody?

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Did<00:22:14.240> they<00:22:14.480> intentionally<00:22:15.039> sit<00:22:15.200> you<00:22:15.360> guys<00:22:15.600> together?

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That<00:22:16.320> feels<00:22:17.120> not<00:22:17.440> great.<00:22:18.480> Okay.

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Spain<00:22:20.640> passed<00:22:20.960> this<00:22:21.200> law<00:22:22.080> where<00:22:22.480> if<00:22:22.720> you<00:22:22.880> could<00:22:23.120> prove<00:22:23.360> that<00:22:23.600> your<00:22:23.840> ancestors<00:22:24.559> were<00:22:24.799> kicked<00:22:25.039> out<00:22:25.280> during<00:22:25.520> the<00:22:25.760> Inquisition,<00:22:26.960> you<00:22:27.200> could<00:22:27.600> get<00:22:28.080> Spanish<00:22:28.559> citizenship.

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So,<00:22:29.919> I<00:22:30.159> did<00:22:30.320> that.<00:22:30.559> I<00:22:30.799> have<00:22:30.960> Spanish<00:22:31.360> citizenship<00:22:32.080> because<00:22:32.480> I<00:22:32.799> think<00:22:32.960> it's<00:22:33.360> so<00:22:33.760> important<00:22:34.240> to<00:22:34.480> have<00:22:34.640> a<00:22:34.880> backup<00:22:35.280> plan.

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And<00:22:39.280> that's<00:22:39.520> not<00:22:39.760> really<00:22:40.080> hyperbole<00:22:40.960> because<00:22:41.360> I<00:22:42.000> got<00:22:42.240> my<00:22:42.640> Spanish<00:22:43.039> citizenship.

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I<00:22:44.720> took<00:22:45.120> my<00:22:45.360> oath<00:22:46.480> on<00:22:46.960> January<00:22:47.760> 6th,<00:22:48.480> 2021.

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I<00:22:50.960> swear<00:22:51.360> that<00:22:51.520> was<00:22:51.679> my<00:22:51.919> morning.<00:22:53.200> I<00:22:53.440> took<00:22:53.679> my<00:22:53.840> oath.

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And<00:22:54.400> here's<00:22:54.640> the<00:22:54.799> thing,<00:22:55.120> it<00:22:55.280> had<00:22:55.440> been<00:22:55.600> a<00:22:55.840> really<00:22:56.080> long<00:22:56.480> process<00:22:57.360> and<00:22:57.600> I<00:22:57.840> didn't<00:22:58.000> know<00:22:58.240> what<00:22:58.400> was<00:22:58.480> going<00:22:58.640> to<00:22:58.720> happen<00:22:59.039> later<00:22:59.360> that<00:22:59.679> day.

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So,<00:23:01.120> I<00:23:02.640> celebrated<00:23:04.240> January<00:23:04.960> 6th.

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I<00:23:06.720> threw<00:23:07.039> myself<00:23:07.360> a<00:23:07.600> little<00:23:07.760> party.<00:23:09.039> I<00:23:09.280> took<00:23:09.440> a<00:23:09.679> picture<00:23:09.840> of<00:23:10.080> myself<00:23:11.039> being<00:23:11.360> really<00:23:11.760> happy<00:23:12.799> and<00:23:13.039> then<00:23:13.200> I<00:23:13.520> posted<00:23:13.840> it<00:23:14.080> to<00:23:14.240> social<00:23:14.559> media.

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It<00:23:18.559> was<00:23:18.640> like<00:23:18.880> 3<00:23:19.200> hours<00:23:19.520> before<00:23:19.840> the<00:23:20.000> insurrection.

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I<00:23:20.799> didn't<00:23:21.039> know<00:23:21.840> what<00:23:22.080> was<00:23:22.320> going<00:23:22.400> to<00:23:22.559> happen.

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And<00:23:25.280> if<00:23:25.520> that<00:23:25.679> was<00:23:25.840> the<00:23:26.000> end<00:23:26.159> of<00:23:26.240> the<00:23:26.480> story,<00:23:27.039> fine.

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But<00:23:27.840> social<00:23:28.159> media<00:23:28.559> does<00:23:28.799> this<00:23:28.960> thing<00:23:29.120> where<00:23:29.360> they<00:23:29.520> like<00:23:29.760> to<00:23:29.919> give<00:23:30.159> you<00:23:30.480> memories.

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So<00:23:34.960> now<00:23:35.440> every<00:23:35.919> January<00:23:36.559> 6th,<00:23:37.120> I<00:23:37.440> just<00:23:37.600> get<00:23:37.760> a<00:23:37.919> reminder<00:23:38.400> of<00:23:38.720> how<00:23:39.120> happy<00:23:39.600> I<00:23:39.919> looked<00:23:41.600> on<00:23:41.919> January<00:23:42.640> 6.

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And<00:23:44.240> the<00:23:44.400> caption<00:23:44.799> that<00:23:44.960> I<00:23:45.200> wrote<00:23:45.840> does<00:23:46.159> not<00:23:46.480> help.

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Okay.<00:23:48.000> The<00:23:48.240> caption<00:23:48.559> that<00:23:48.720> I<00:23:48.960> wrote<00:23:49.200> was,<00:23:49.919> "Today<00:23:50.480> we<00:23:50.640> have<00:23:50.799> righted<00:23:51.120> one<00:23:51.360> of<00:23:51.440> history's<00:23:52.000> greatest<00:23:52.400> injustices."

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So,

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my<00:24:04.320> bad.<00:24:06.320> See,<00:24:06.720> social<00:24:07.039> media<00:24:07.280> is<00:24:07.520> a<00:24:07.679> lie.

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It's<00:24:11.840> a<00:24:12.880> It's<00:24:13.120> a<00:24:13.360> weird<00:24:13.600> time<00:24:13.760> to<00:24:14.000> be<00:24:14.159> Jewish<00:24:14.720> right<00:24:14.960> now.

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It's<00:24:16.559> um<00:24:17.039> I<00:24:17.360> don't<00:24:17.440> know.<00:24:17.919> It's<00:24:18.159> I'm<00:24:18.480> not<00:24:18.640> just<00:24:18.799> going<00:24:18.880> to<00:24:19.039> gloss<00:24:19.360> over<00:24:19.600> everything<00:24:19.919> that's<00:24:20.159> happening<00:24:20.400> in<00:24:20.640> the<00:24:20.799> world.

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It's<00:24:21.360> it's<00:24:21.679> weird.<00:24:22.559> It's<00:24:22.799> a<00:24:22.960> hard<00:24:23.200> time<00:24:23.279> to<00:24:23.440> be<00:24:23.600> Jewish.

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It's<00:24:24.960> also<00:24:25.200> a<00:24:25.440> really<00:24:25.679> hard<00:24:25.919> time<00:24:26.000> to<00:24:26.240> be<00:24:26.400> Muslim.

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There<00:24:27.760> was<00:24:27.840> a<00:24:28.080> there<00:24:28.320> was<00:24:28.480> a<00:24:28.640> study<00:24:29.120> that<00:24:29.440> came<00:24:29.600> out<00:24:29.919> that<00:24:30.240> showed<00:24:30.480> that<00:24:30.720> anti-Semitic<00:24:31.600> attacks<00:24:32.159> are<00:24:32.559> on<00:24:32.799> the<00:24:32.960> rise,<00:24:33.840> but<00:24:34.080> that<00:24:34.400> same<00:24:34.799> study<00:24:35.440> found<00:24:35.679> that

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anti-Muslim<00:24:36.799> attacks<00:24:37.279> are<00:24:37.679> also<00:24:38.159> on<00:24:38.400> the<00:24:38.559> rise.

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And<00:24:39.760> that<00:24:40.000> for<00:24:40.240> me<00:24:40.400> was<00:24:40.640> such<00:24:40.799> a<00:24:41.039> reminder<00:24:41.440> of<00:24:41.679> how<00:24:41.840> much<00:24:42.080> Jews<00:24:42.400> and<00:24:42.559> Muslims<00:24:42.960> have<00:24:43.200> in<00:24:43.360> common.

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And<00:24:44.400> I<00:24:44.960> really<00:24:45.360> do<00:24:46.240> genuinely<00:24:46.960> I<00:24:47.279> look<00:24:47.520> forward<00:24:47.919> to<00:24:48.080> the<00:24:48.320> day<00:24:48.960> that<00:24:49.279> we<00:24:49.600> figure<00:24:49.840> out<00:24:50.159> how<00:24:50.400> to<00:24:50.559> take<00:24:50.880> all<00:24:51.120> of<00:24:51.279> this<00:24:51.520> energy<00:24:51.919> that<00:24:52.159> we

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spend<00:24:52.559> fighting<00:24:52.960> each<00:24:53.200> other<00:24:53.919> and<00:24:54.240> figure<00:24:54.480> out<00:24:54.640> how<00:24:54.880> to<00:24:55.039> put<00:24:55.200> it<00:24:55.440> aside<00:24:56.159> and<00:24:56.559> come<00:24:56.799> together<00:24:57.279> to<00:24:57.600> defeat<00:24:57.919> the<00:24:58.159> Christians.

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[Applause]

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We<00:25:05.919> got<00:25:06.080> to<00:25:06.240> stop<00:25:06.480> fighting<00:25:06.799> over<00:25:07.039> Jerusalem<00:25:07.600> and<00:25:07.919> take<00:25:08.080> over<00:25:08.320> the<00:25:08.480> Christian<00:25:08.880> Holy<00:25:09.200> Land,<00:25:11.200> which<00:25:11.440> is,<00:25:11.760> as<00:25:12.000> I<00:25:12.240> understand<00:25:12.640> it,<00:25:13.039> Applebee's<00:25:13.600> on<00:25:13.679> a

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Sunday<00:25:14.000> after<00:25:14.320> church.

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That's<00:25:17.760> where<00:25:17.919> you<00:25:18.080> gather.

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Okay.<00:25:24.880> And<00:25:25.120> if<00:25:25.279> you<00:25:25.520> are<00:25:25.840> Christian,<00:25:27.039> I'm<00:25:27.360> just<00:25:27.679> kidding.

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No,<00:25:32.559> I<00:25:32.799> think<00:25:32.960> Christianity<00:25:33.520> is<00:25:33.760> totally<00:25:34.159> fine<00:25:34.400> in<00:25:34.720> theory.

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I<00:25:35.360> think<00:25:35.440> it's

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where<00:25:38.559> I<00:25:38.720> grew<00:25:38.880> up,<00:25:39.200> all<00:25:39.360> of<00:25:39.440> my<00:25:39.679> friends<00:25:39.840> were<00:25:40.080> Christian.

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All<00:25:41.039> of<00:25:41.200> them.<00:25:41.440> And<00:25:41.600> I<00:25:41.679> I<00:25:42.080> do<00:25:42.240> have<00:25:42.480> a<00:25:42.720> genuine<00:25:43.279> like<00:25:43.520> fondness<00:25:44.080> and<00:25:44.400> jealousy<00:25:44.880> for<00:25:45.120> Christians<00:25:45.600> and<00:25:45.840> Christianity.

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I<00:25:47.039> think<00:25:47.440> Christians<00:25:48.080> are<00:25:48.400> so<00:25:48.720> much<00:25:48.960> better<00:25:49.200> at<00:25:49.600> celebrating<00:25:50.159> holidays<00:25:50.720> than<00:25:51.039> Jews<00:25:51.360> are.

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It's<00:25:52.640> no<00:25:52.960> contest.<00:25:53.440> Christians<00:25:53.760> are<00:25:53.919> so<00:25:54.159> good<00:25:54.240> at<00:25:54.400> putting<00:25:54.640> a<00:25:54.880> positive<00:25:55.200> spin<00:25:55.520> on<00:25:55.600> a<00:25:55.840> story<00:25:56.400> that<00:25:56.720> Jews<00:25:57.039> can't<00:25:57.279> do.

00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:02.480
Like<00:25:59.440> Passover<00:25:59.919> and<00:26:00.159> Easter<00:26:00.559> happened<00:26:00.799> at<00:26:01.039> the<00:26:01.200> same<00:26:01.440> time.

00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:07.039
And<00:26:02.640> at<00:26:02.880> Easter,<00:26:03.440> all<00:26:03.600> of<00:26:03.760> my<00:26:03.919> Christian<00:26:04.320> friends<00:26:04.640> were<00:26:04.960> so<00:26:05.200> upbeat<00:26:05.679> and<00:26:06.000> excited,<00:26:06.799> right?

00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:20.960
They<00:26:07.285> were<00:26:07.531> like,<00:26:07.778> "Our<00:26:08.024> Lord<00:26:08.270> has<00:26:08.516> risen."<00:26:08.763> And<00:26:09.009> I<00:26:09.255> was<00:26:09.501> like,<00:26:09.748> "Our<00:26:09.994> bread<00:26:10.240> hasn't."

00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:26.480
By<00:26:21.200> the<00:26:21.279> way,<00:26:21.760> it's<00:26:22.080> crazy<00:26:22.400> to<00:26:22.640> me<00:26:22.720> that<00:26:23.039> Easter<00:26:23.440> is<00:26:23.600> a<00:26:23.840> happy<00:26:24.240> holiday<00:26:24.640> for<00:26:24.960> Christians.

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That's<00:26:26.720> how<00:26:26.960> you<00:26:27.120> know<00:26:27.279> that<00:26:27.440> they're<00:26:27.679> good<00:26:27.760> at<00:26:28.000> putting<00:26:28.159> a<00:26:28.400> positive<00:26:28.799> spin<00:26:29.039> on<00:26:29.200> a<00:26:29.440> bad<00:26:29.679> story.

00:26:30.159 --> 00:26:37.279
The<00:26:30.480> story<00:26:30.720> of<00:26:30.960> Easter<00:26:31.279> is<00:26:31.600> that<00:26:31.840> Jesus<00:26:32.400> died<00:26:33.360> and<00:26:33.600> then<00:26:33.919> 3<00:26:34.240> days<00:26:34.480> later<00:26:35.039> came<00:26:35.440> back<00:26:35.679> to<00:26:36.000> life.

00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:42.159
That's<00:26:37.600> a<00:26:37.840> tragedy<00:26:38.400> turned<00:26:38.720> into<00:26:38.960> a<00:26:39.200> horror<00:26:39.679> story.

00:26:42.159 --> 00:26:56.799
But<00:26:42.480> Christians<00:26:42.960> saw<00:26:43.120> that<00:26:43.360> and<00:26:43.600> instead<00:26:43.919> of<00:26:44.080> being<00:26:44.320> like<00:26:44.640> it's<00:26:44.880> the<00:26:45.120> zombie<00:26:45.679> apocalypse,<00:26:47.440> they<00:26:47.679> saw<00:26:47.840> it<00:26:48.000> and<00:26:48.159> they<00:26:48.320> were<00:26:48.480> like<00:26:48.720> mm-<00:26:50.080> pastels.

00:26:56.799 --> 00:26:59.360
Yeah.<00:26:57.279> Yeah.<00:26:57.840> That's<00:26:58.000> what<00:26:58.159> we're<00:26:58.320> doing<00:26:58.400> with<00:26:58.559> this<00:26:58.880> information.

00:26:59.360 --> 00:27:03.679
We're<00:26:59.520> doing<00:26:59.679> pastels<00:27:00.159> and<00:27:00.320> chocolate<00:27:00.640> eggs.

00:27:03.679 --> 00:27:06.559
Easter.<00:27:04.159> So<00:27:04.400> fun.<00:27:04.799> Shouldn't<00:27:05.200> be<00:27:05.679> Passover.

00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:10.400
Not<00:27:06.880> fun.<00:27:07.840> Also<00:27:08.240> shouldn't<00:27:08.559> be.

00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:12.400
Passover,<00:27:11.600> man.<00:27:12.000> Okay.

00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:16.320
So,<00:27:12.640> for<00:27:12.799> those<00:27:12.960> of<00:27:13.120> you<00:27:13.200> who<00:27:13.360> don't<00:27:13.520> know,<00:27:13.760> on<00:27:14.000> Passover,<00:27:14.480> we<00:27:14.720> eat<00:27:14.960> matzah.

00:27:16.320 --> 00:27:20.880
And<00:27:16.559> matzah<00:27:17.039> is<00:27:17.279> this<00:27:17.600> flat,<00:27:18.080> stale,<00:27:18.720> tasteless<00:27:19.279> bread.

00:27:20.880 --> 00:27:24.320
And<00:27:21.039> we<00:27:21.279> eat<00:27:21.440> it<00:27:21.600> to<00:27:21.840> celebrate<00:27:22.240> one<00:27:22.400> of<00:27:22.480> our<00:27:22.720> most<00:27:22.880> important<00:27:23.360> holidays.

00:27:24.320 --> 00:27:28.080
It<00:27:24.559> sucks.

00:27:28.080 --> 00:27:33.600
And<00:27:28.320> like<00:27:29.279> trying<00:27:29.600> to<00:27:29.760> find<00:27:30.159> matzah<00:27:30.799> in<00:27:31.120> Kentucky,<00:27:32.480> what<00:27:32.720> a<00:27:32.960> struggle.

00:27:33.600 --> 00:27:35.440
So<00:27:34.000> in<00:27:34.240> I<00:27:34.480> live<00:27:34.559> in<00:27:34.799> New<00:27:34.960> York<00:27:35.120> now.

00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:40.640
In<00:27:35.600> New<00:27:35.760> York,<00:27:35.919> it's<00:27:36.159> so<00:27:36.400> easy.<00:27:36.640> If<00:27:36.880> you<00:27:36.960> want<00:27:37.120> kosher<00:27:37.520> food<00:27:37.679> in<00:27:37.919> New<00:27:38.000> York,<00:27:38.240> you<00:27:38.400> get<00:27:38.480> an<00:27:38.720> entire<00:27:39.120> Brooklyn<00:27:39.600> for<00:27:39.840> that.

00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:49.679
In<00:27:40.960> Kentucky,<00:27:41.760> when<00:27:42.000> you<00:27:42.159> needed<00:27:42.400> kosher<00:27:42.880> food,<00:27:43.360> you<00:27:43.600> went<00:27:43.760> to<00:27:43.919> Kroger,<00:27:44.480> you<00:27:44.640> got<00:27:44.799> half<00:27:44.960> an<00:27:45.200> aisle,<00:27:45.520> and<00:27:45.679> you<00:27:45.840> shared<00:27:46.000> it<00:27:46.159> with<00:27:46.240> all<00:27:46.400> the<00:27:46.480> Goya<00:27:46.960> products.

00:27:49.679 --> 00:27:54.080
So<00:27:49.919> ironic.<00:27:50.559> [Goya]<00:27:50.960> is<00:27:51.200> in<00:27:51.440> the<00:27:51.600> name.

00:27:54.080 --> 00:27:57.679
I<00:27:54.320> remember<00:27:54.559> going<00:27:54.880> one<00:27:55.120> year.<00:27:55.600> I<00:27:55.840> was<00:27:56.000> trying<00:27:56.159> to<00:27:56.320> find<00:27:56.480> matzah<00:27:56.960> at<00:27:57.200> Kroger.

00:27:57.679 --> 00:28:00.240
I'm<00:27:57.840> like<00:27:58.080> I<00:27:58.240> couldn't<00:27:58.480> find<00:27:58.720> I<00:27:58.880> didn't<00:27:58.960> know<00:27:59.039> where<00:27:59.200> the<00:27:59.360> kosher<00:27:59.679> aisle<00:28:00.000> was.

00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:05.919
I'm<00:28:00.480> like<00:28:00.640> wandering<00:28:01.200> the<00:28:01.440> aisles<00:28:01.760> for<00:28:02.000> 40<00:28:02.240> years<00:28:02.480> trying<00:28:02.640> to<00:28:02.720> find<00:28:02.880> this

00:28:05.919 --> 00:28:10.480
and<00:28:06.159> a<00:28:06.320> man<00:28:06.480> who<00:28:06.640> worked<00:28:06.880> at<00:28:06.960> Kroger<00:28:07.440> saw<00:28:07.679> me<00:28:07.919> searching<00:28:08.240> and<00:28:08.480> stopped<00:28:08.720> me<00:28:08.799> and<00:28:08.960> he<00:28:09.039> said,<00:28:09.120> "Hey,<00:28:09.440> can<00:28:09.600> I<00:28:09.760> help<00:28:09.919> you?"

00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:13.520
And<00:28:10.640> I<00:28:10.799> said,<00:28:10.880> "Yeah,<00:28:11.360> do<00:28:11.520> y'all<00:28:11.760> have<00:28:11.919> any<00:28:12.240> matzah?"

00:28:13.520 --> 00:28:19.039
And<00:28:13.760> then<00:28:14.000> he<00:28:14.320> said,<00:28:15.279> "Huh?

00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:24.960
Matzah?<00:28:21.279> What<00:28:21.520> are<00:28:21.679> you<00:28:22.000> using<00:28:22.320> it<00:28:22.480> for?

00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:34.640
And<00:28:25.200> I<00:28:25.440> realized,<00:28:25.840> oh,<00:28:26.159> this<00:28:26.399> man<00:28:26.960> does<00:28:27.200> not<00:28:27.360> know<00:28:27.520> what<00:28:27.760> matzah<00:28:28.159> is,<00:28:28.640> but<00:28:28.799> he's<00:28:29.039> too<00:28:29.279> embarrassed<00:28:29.760> to<00:28:30.000> ask,<00:28:30.559> so<00:28:30.720> he's<00:28:30.960> trying<00:28:31.120> to<00:28:31.279> use<00:28:31.520> context<00:28:32.080> clues.

00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:42.480
But<00:28:35.520> you<00:28:35.760> guys<00:28:35.919> have<00:28:36.080> spent<00:28:36.320> enough<00:28:36.640> time<00:28:36.720> with<00:28:36.880> me<00:28:37.120> at<00:28:37.360> this<00:28:37.520> point<00:28:37.679> to<00:28:37.919> know<00:28:38.240> I'm<00:28:38.559> not<00:28:38.880> great<00:28:39.200> at<00:28:39.440> making<00:28:39.760> people<00:28:40.000> feel<00:28:40.320> comfortable.

00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:45.600
So<00:28:42.720> when<00:28:42.960> he<00:28:43.279> said,<00:28:43.919> "Matzah,<00:28:44.960> huh?

00:28:45.600 --> 00:28:53.520
what<00:28:45.840> are<00:28:46.000> you<00:28:46.159> using<00:28:46.480> it<00:28:46.720> for?<00:28:47.440> I<00:28:47.760> said<00:28:48.320> to<00:28:48.559> honor<00:28:48.880> my<00:28:49.120> ancestors.

00:28:53.520 --> 00:29:05.120
And<00:28:53.760> credit<00:28:54.080> to<00:28:54.240> him,<00:28:54.559> he<00:28:54.720> goes,<00:28:55.039> we<00:28:55.279> don't<00:28:55.360> have<00:28:55.520> that.

00:29:05.120 --> 00:29:08.080
Our<00:29:05.360> holidays<00:29:05.760> aren't<00:29:06.000> as<00:29:06.159> fun<00:29:06.480> as<00:29:06.799> Christian<00:29:07.279> holidays.

00:29:08.080 --> 00:29:11.520
Our<00:29:08.399> miracles<00:29:08.960> are<00:29:09.200> not<00:29:09.360> as<00:29:09.600> good<00:29:09.760> as<00:29:10.080> Christian<00:29:10.480> miracles.

00:29:11.520 --> 00:29:19.120
No<00:29:11.840> contest,<00:29:12.640> guys.<00:29:13.120> The<00:29:13.360> first<00:29:13.679> Christian<00:29:14.080> miracle<00:29:14.559> I<00:29:14.880> ever<00:29:15.039> learned<00:29:15.440> was<00:29:15.679> that<00:29:15.919> Jesus<00:29:16.320> turned<00:29:16.640> water<00:29:16.960> into<00:29:17.279> wine.

00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:22.000
So<00:29:19.440> fun.<00:29:20.240> I<00:29:20.799> love<00:29:21.039> that.

00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:25.440
That<00:29:22.320> sounds<00:29:22.559> like<00:29:22.720> a<00:29:22.880> frat<00:29:23.279> guy<00:29:23.520> made<00:29:23.760> it<00:29:23.919> up.

00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:29.760
That<00:29:25.760> just<00:29:25.919> sounds<00:29:26.080> like<00:29:26.240> some<00:29:26.399> guy<00:29:26.640> was<00:29:26.720> like,<00:29:26.799> "What<00:29:27.039> if<00:29:27.200> the<00:29:27.440> water<00:29:27.840> got<00:29:28.080> us<00:29:28.399> drunk?"

00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:35.440
So,<00:29:31.919> it<00:29:32.159> makes<00:29:32.320> sense<00:29:32.559> cuz<00:29:32.880> Jesus<00:29:33.279> has<00:29:33.600> frat<00:29:33.919> guy<00:29:34.240> vibes.

00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:38.240
You<00:29:35.600> know<00:29:35.679> what<00:29:35.840> I<00:29:35.919> mean?<00:29:36.080> Like<00:29:36.240> he<00:29:36.399> was<00:29:36.559> barefoot<00:29:37.120> all<00:29:37.279> the<00:29:37.520> time.

00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:42.559
He<00:29:38.480> had<00:29:38.720> 12<00:29:38.960> guys<00:29:39.279> with<00:29:39.440> him<00:29:39.679> wherever<00:29:40.000> he<00:29:40.240> went.

00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:49.039
and<00:29:42.799> he<00:29:43.039> hung<00:29:43.200> out<00:29:43.360> with<00:29:43.600> one<00:29:43.919> [prostitute]<00:29:44.399> and<00:29:44.720> that's<00:29:46.159> a<00:29:46.320> frat<00:29:46.720> guy.

00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:55.440
I<00:29:49.279> know<00:29:49.440> that<00:29:49.679> guy.<00:29:49.919> He's<00:29:50.080> an<00:29:50.240> API.<00:29:50.799> I<00:29:50.960> hooked<00:29:51.200> up<00:29:51.360> with<00:29:51.520> him.

00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:57.440
So<00:29:55.679> that's<00:29:55.919> the<00:29:56.080> first<00:29:56.240> Christian<00:29:56.559> miracle<00:29:56.960> I<00:29:57.120> learned.

00:29:57.440 --> 00:30:04.720
Great<00:29:57.760> miracle.<00:29:58.480> The<00:29:58.799> first<00:29:59.120> Jewish<00:29:59.600> miracle<00:30:00.080> all<00:30:00.320> of<00:30:00.480> my<00:30:00.720> friends<00:30:01.039> learned<00:30:01.520> was<00:30:01.840> the<00:30:02.000> miracle<00:30:02.480> of<00:30:02.640> Hanukkah.

00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:07.919
The<00:30:04.960> miracle<00:30:05.200> of<00:30:05.360> Hanukkah<00:30:05.919> sucks.<00:30:06.799> It's<00:30:07.039> not<00:30:07.200> a<00:30:07.440> good<00:30:07.520> miracle.

00:30:07.919 --> 00:30:10.080
It's<00:30:08.159> super<00:30:08.399> lame.<00:30:08.880> The<00:30:09.039> miracle<00:30:09.360> of<00:30:09.520> Hanukkah.

00:30:10.080 --> 00:30:24.399
What<00:30:10.240> we're<00:30:10.480> actually<00:30:10.880> celebrating<00:30:11.760> is<00:30:12.000> that<00:30:12.240> the<00:30:12.480> oil<00:30:12.960> lasted<00:30:13.440> for<00:30:13.760> 8<00:30:14.080> days<00:30:14.720> when<00:30:15.039> it<00:30:15.200> was<00:30:15.360> only<00:30:15.600> supposed<00:30:15.919> to<00:30:16.080> last<00:30:16.399> for<00:30:16.720> one<00:30:17.039> day.

00:30:24.399 --> 00:30:29.039
Tada.

00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:36.480
God,<00:30:29.440> I<00:30:29.679> hate<00:30:29.919> that<00:30:30.159> miracle.<00:30:30.720> First<00:30:30.960> of<00:30:31.039> all,<00:30:31.360> I<00:30:31.600> don't<00:30:31.760> believe<00:30:32.000> in<00:30:32.240> that<00:30:32.399> miracle<00:30:32.960> because<00:30:33.360> men<00:30:33.679> wrote<00:30:33.919> that<00:30:34.159> down<00:30:34.480> and<00:30:34.799> men<00:30:34.960> are<00:30:35.200> always<00:30:35.440> lying<00:30:35.760> saying<00:30:35.919> it<00:30:36.159> lasted

00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:40.580
longer<00:30:36.720> than<00:30:36.880> it<00:30:37.120> really<00:30:37.279> did.

00:30:40.580 --> 00:30:43.120
[Applause]

00:30:43.120 --> 00:30:51.279
Second<00:30:43.520> of<00:30:43.679> all,<00:30:44.640> what<00:30:44.880> a<00:30:45.120> terrible<00:30:45.600> miracle<00:30:46.080> for<00:30:46.399> Jews<00:30:46.799> to<00:30:47.120> celebrate<00:30:47.840> that<00:30:48.080> the<00:30:48.320> oil<00:30:48.720> lasted<00:30:49.200> for<00:30:49.440> 8<00:30:49.679> days<00:30:50.000> when<00:30:50.320> it<00:30:50.480> was<00:30:50.640> only<00:30:50.880> supposed<00:30:51.120> to

00:30:51.279 --> 00:31:02.080
last<00:30:51.600> for<00:30:51.919> one<00:30:52.240> day.<00:30:52.799> Cuz<00:30:53.039> to<00:30:53.200> me,<00:30:53.440> that<00:30:53.600> just<00:30:53.840> sounds<00:30:54.080> like<00:30:54.240> we're<00:30:54.480> celebrating<00:30:54.880> that<00:30:55.120> we<00:30:55.279> got<00:30:55.440> a<00:30:55.679> deal<00:30:56.000> on<00:30:56.320> oil.

00:31:02.080 --> 00:31:05.279
Feels<00:31:02.320> like<00:31:02.399> we're<00:31:02.640> reinforcing<00:31:03.200> a<00:31:03.440> stereotype.<00:31:04.080> I<00:31:04.240> don't<00:31:04.399> like<00:31:04.559> it.

00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:08.559
I<00:31:05.520> hate<00:31:05.760> it.

00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:12.000
And<00:31:08.799> like,<00:31:09.120> okay,<00:31:09.600> some<00:31:10.080> Jewish<00:31:10.559> stereotypes<00:31:11.279> are<00:31:11.520> true.

00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:19.760
For<00:31:12.240> sure.<00:31:12.640> Absolutely.<00:31:14.640> On<00:31:14.799> the<00:31:14.960> count<00:31:15.120> of<00:31:15.279> three,<00:31:15.600> everybody<00:31:15.919> say<00:31:16.159> what<00:31:16.320> you<00:31:16.399> think<00:31:16.559> it<00:31:16.799> is.

00:31:19.760 --> 00:31:21.600
One,<00:31:20.240> two.<00:31:20.480> No,<00:31:20.640> I'm<00:31:20.799> just<00:31:20.880> kidding.<00:31:21.120> Don't<00:31:21.200> do<00:31:21.360> that.

00:31:21.600 --> 00:31:28.240
You<00:31:21.760> didn't<00:31:21.919> say<00:31:22.080> it.<00:31:22.960> No,<00:31:24.480> that's<00:31:24.720> just<00:31:24.960> fun<00:31:25.120> to<00:31:25.279> see<00:31:25.440> who<00:31:25.600> in<00:31:25.760> the<00:31:25.919> audience<00:31:26.240> is<00:31:26.399> like,<00:31:26.640> "My<00:31:26.960> time<00:31:27.200> to<00:31:27.440> shine."

00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:32.559
All<00:31:28.650> right.<00:31:29.060> No,<00:31:29.470> I<00:31:29.880> I<00:31:30.290> It's<00:31:30.700> a<00:31:31.110> positive<00:31:31.520> stereotype.

00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:35.200
Uh<00:31:32.960> we<00:31:33.279> we<00:31:33.600> have<00:31:33.760> a<00:31:33.919> lot<00:31:34.000> of<00:31:34.159> doctors.

00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:39.679
That's<00:31:35.440> true.<00:31:35.679> There<00:31:35.840> is<00:31:36.000> a<00:31:36.159> disproportionate<00:31:37.039> number<00:31:37.360> of<00:31:37.679> doctors<00:31:38.080> who<00:31:38.240> are<00:31:38.480> Jewish.

00:31:39.679 --> 00:31:45.200
I<00:31:40.000> learned<00:31:40.320> that<00:31:40.480> that<00:31:40.799> stereotype<00:31:41.440> was<00:31:41.679> true<00:31:41.919> when<00:31:42.159> I<00:31:42.320> moved<00:31:42.480> to<00:31:42.640> New<00:31:42.799> York<00:31:42.960> and<00:31:43.200> I<00:31:43.360> went<00:31:43.440> to<00:31:43.600> a<00:31:43.760> Jewish<00:31:44.159> funeral.

00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:47.919
The<00:31:45.440> Jewish<00:31:45.679> funeral,<00:31:46.080> it<00:31:46.240> was<00:31:46.320> very<00:31:46.480> crowded.<00:31:46.960> It<00:31:47.120> was<00:31:47.200> very<00:31:47.440> sad.

00:31:47.919 --> 00:31:51.600
And<00:31:48.159> at<00:31:48.399> the<00:31:48.640> funeral,<00:31:49.360> there<00:31:49.519> was<00:31:49.679> a<00:31:49.840> woman<00:31:50.080> who<00:31:50.320> fainted.

00:31:51.600 --> 00:32:00.720
And<00:31:51.760> then<00:31:51.919> the<00:31:52.240> person<00:31:52.559> next<00:31:52.799> to<00:31:52.960> her<00:31:53.440> yelled<00:31:53.840> out,<00:31:55.039> "Is<00:31:55.440> there<00:31:55.600> a<00:31:55.919> doctor?"

00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:04.480
Yeah.<00:32:02.799> Yeah,<00:32:03.039> there<00:32:03.279> is.

00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:13.760
They<00:32:04.720> yelled<00:32:05.039> back.<00:32:05.360> They<00:32:05.519> were<00:32:05.679> like,<00:32:05.760> "What<00:32:06.240> specialty<00:32:07.120> do<00:32:07.279> you<00:32:07.519> need?"

00:32:13.760 --> 00:32:18.559
You<00:32:13.919> know,<00:32:14.159> it<00:32:14.320> was<00:32:14.480> like<00:32:14.640> going<00:32:14.880> up<00:32:15.039> to<00:32:15.200> a<00:32:15.360> bunch<00:32:15.519> of<00:32:15.600> golden<00:32:16.000> retrievers<00:32:16.640> and<00:32:16.880> yelling,<00:32:17.200> "Jake,"<00:32:17.760> like<00:32:18.000> they're<00:32:18.159> coming.

00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:22.320
Welcome<00:32:18.880> to

00:32:22.320 --> 00:32:27.360
disproportionate<00:32:23.200> number.<00:32:24.159> Welcome."

00:32:27.360 --> 00:32:34.799
It<00:32:27.600> was<00:32:27.760> it<00:32:28.000> was<00:32:28.080> a<00:32:28.240> real<00:32:28.480> culture<00:32:28.799> shock<00:32:29.039> for<00:32:29.200> me<00:32:29.360> when<00:32:29.600> I<00:32:29.679> moved<00:32:29.840> to<00:32:30.080> New<00:32:30.240> York<00:32:30.559> because<00:32:30.960> New<00:32:31.120> York<00:32:31.440> it's<00:32:31.679> such<00:32:31.840> a<00:32:32.080> Jewish<00:32:32.480> place<00:32:32.720> and<00:32:32.960> I<00:32:33.120> I<00:32:33.440> didn't<00:32:33.679> know<00:32:33.919> how<00:32:34.240> Jewish<00:32:34.640> it

00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:43.440
was<00:32:34.960> going<00:32:35.120> to<00:32:35.200> be<00:32:35.600> but<00:32:35.760> it's<00:32:36.000> so<00:32:36.240> Jewish.<00:32:36.960> When<00:32:37.279> we<00:32:37.519> moved<00:32:37.840> into<00:32:38.159> our<00:32:38.480> apartment<00:32:39.279> there<00:32:39.440> was<00:32:39.760> already<00:32:40.080> a<00:32:40.320> mezuzah<00:32:40.960> on<00:32:41.200> the<00:32:41.360> doorway.

00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:51.840
A<00:32:43.600> mezuzah,<00:32:44.240> if<00:32:44.480> you<00:32:44.559> don't<00:32:44.799> know,<00:32:45.039> is<00:32:45.360> a<00:32:45.519> little<00:32:45.679> tiny<00:32:46.159> scroll<00:32:47.360> and<00:32:47.600> we<00:32:47.760> put<00:32:47.919> it<00:32:48.080> on<00:32:48.240> our<00:32:48.399> doorway<00:32:49.440> and<00:32:49.679> it's<00:32:49.919> supposed<00:32:50.159> to<00:32:50.399> protect<00:32:50.799> us<00:32:51.200> and<00:32:51.519> also

00:32:51.840 --> 00:32:57.760
let<00:32:52.000> the<00:32:52.240> Jehovah's<00:32:52.720> Witnesses<00:32:53.120> know<00:32:53.279> to<00:32:53.519> not<00:32:53.760> even<00:32:54.000> bother.

00:32:57.760 --> 00:33:02.720
Super<00:32:58.240> powerful.<00:33:00.720> Powerful.

00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:05.440
And<00:33:02.960> my<00:33:03.200> parents<00:33:03.600> my<00:33:03.840> parents<00:33:04.080> are<00:33:04.320> not<00:33:04.480> from<00:33:04.799> Kentucky.

00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:12.880
And<00:33:05.679> so<00:33:05.919> I<00:33:06.080> don't<00:33:06.240> think<00:33:06.399> they<00:33:06.640> understood<00:33:06.960> what<00:33:07.200> it<00:33:07.360> meant<00:33:07.519> to<00:33:07.679> raise<00:33:08.000> kids<00:33:08.320> there<00:33:08.720> as<00:33:09.120> Jews<00:33:09.840> because<00:33:10.080> when<00:33:10.320> I<00:33:10.480> was<00:33:10.559> in<00:33:10.799> high<00:33:10.960> school,<00:33:11.279> my<00:33:11.519> parents<00:33:11.840> sat<00:33:12.159> me<00:33:12.320> down<00:33:12.640> and

00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:21.120
they<00:33:13.120> said,<00:33:13.600> "Hey,<00:33:14.320> we<00:33:14.559> know<00:33:14.720> you're<00:33:14.880> going<00:33:14.960> to<00:33:15.120> start<00:33:15.360> dating<00:33:15.760> soon<00:33:16.320> and<00:33:16.559> we<00:33:16.799> just<00:33:16.960> want<00:33:17.039> to<00:33:17.200> let<00:33:17.360> you<00:33:17.519> know<00:33:17.679> that<00:33:18.000> whoever<00:33:18.480> you're<00:33:18.720> into,<00:33:19.760> whether<00:33:20.080> you're<00:33:20.320> into<00:33:20.640> boys

00:33:21.120 --> 00:33:26.399
or<00:33:21.519> girls<00:33:21.919> or<00:33:22.240> anyone<00:33:22.640> in<00:33:22.880> between,<00:33:23.600> it<00:33:23.919> doesn't<00:33:24.159> matter<00:33:24.399> to<00:33:24.640> us."

00:33:26.399 --> 00:33:32.320
As<00:33:26.720> long<00:33:26.799> as<00:33:26.960> they're<00:33:27.360> Jewish

00:33:32.320 --> 00:33:34.640
in<00:33:32.720> Kentucky,<00:33:33.600> they<00:33:33.840> said<00:33:34.000> that<00:33:34.240> to<00:33:34.320> me.

00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:37.039
as<00:33:34.880> long<00:33:34.960> as<00:33:35.120> they're<00:33:35.360> Jewish<00:33:36.000> in<00:33:36.320> Kentucky.

00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:40.080
That<00:33:37.200> leaves<00:33:37.600> exactly<00:33:38.159> two<00:33:38.399> people.<00:33:38.799> It's<00:33:38.960> my<00:33:39.200> dad<00:33:39.360> or<00:33:39.519> my<00:33:39.760> brother.

00:33:40.080 --> 00:33:44.240
Those<00:33:40.320> are<00:33:40.399> the<00:33:40.559> choices,

00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:49.300
which<00:33:44.480> in<00:33:44.720> Kentucky<00:33:45.120> is<00:33:45.440> fine,<00:33:45.840> but<00:33:46.399> uh

00:33:49.300 --> 00:33:53.519
[Laughter]<00:33:51.519> they're<00:33:51.840> not<00:33:52.000> my<00:33:52.240> type.

00:33:53.519 --> 00:33:58.399
You<00:33:53.679> know,<00:33:53.919> they're<00:33:54.159> my<00:33:54.320> blood<00:33:54.559> type,<00:33:54.799> but<00:33:54.960> they're<00:33:55.200> my<00:33:55.360> type<00:33:55.679> type.

00:33:58.399 --> 00:34:02.080
I<00:33:58.640> was<00:33:58.799> a<00:33:58.960> I<00:33:59.200> was<00:33:59.360> I<00:33:59.679> was<00:33:59.760> like<00:33:59.919> the<00:34:00.159> only<00:34:00.320> Jew<00:34:00.640> of<00:34:00.799> my<00:34:01.039> friend<00:34:01.279> group.

00:34:02.080 --> 00:34:10.639
And<00:34:02.320> I<00:34:02.559> I<00:34:02.799> think<00:34:02.960> this<00:34:03.120> goes<00:34:03.440> for<00:34:03.600> anybody<00:34:04.080> who<00:34:04.320> grows<00:34:04.559> up<00:34:04.880> the<00:34:05.120> only<00:34:05.440> one<00:34:05.760> of<00:34:06.080> anything<00:34:06.559> in<00:34:06.880> any<00:34:07.120> group<00:34:07.600> is<00:34:07.919> you<00:34:08.159> get<00:34:08.320> people<00:34:08.720> saying<00:34:09.359> weird<00:34:09.839> things<00:34:10.079> to<00:34:10.399> you

00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:13.760
and<00:34:10.879> then<00:34:11.040> you<00:34:11.280> just<00:34:11.440> got<00:34:11.679> to<00:34:11.839> absorb<00:34:12.240> it.

00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:22.000
I<00:34:14.159> when<00:34:14.320> I<00:34:14.480> was<00:34:14.560> in<00:34:14.800> school,<00:34:15.119> I<00:34:15.359> wore<00:34:15.599> a<00:34:15.839> Jewish<00:34:16.240> star<00:34:16.639> necklace,<00:34:17.119> a<00:34:17.280> little<00:34:17.440> Star<00:34:17.679> of<00:34:17.839> David,<00:34:19.119> and<00:34:19.440> I<00:34:19.760> remember<00:34:20.079> one<00:34:20.320> day<00:34:20.639> this<00:34:20.960> girl<00:34:21.119> in<00:34:21.280> my<00:34:21.440> class<00:34:21.760> saw

00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:26.399
it<00:34:22.480> and<00:34:22.800> she<00:34:23.119> said,<00:34:23.839> "Does<00:34:24.240> that<00:34:24.480> mean<00:34:24.560> that<00:34:24.800> you're<00:34:25.040> Jewish?"

00:34:26.399 --> 00:34:35.810
And<00:34:26.560> I<00:34:26.800> said,<00:34:27.119> "Yes."<00:34:28.399> And<00:34:28.639> then<00:34:28.879> she<00:34:29.280> said,<00:34:30.240> "A<00:34:30.800> real<00:34:31.440> live<00:34:32.159> Jew."

00:34:35.810 --> 00:34:40.399
[Laughter]

00:34:40.399 --> 00:34:45.800
I<00:34:40.639> was<00:34:40.720> just<00:34:40.879> like,<00:34:40.960> "Yeah,<00:34:41.440> babe.<00:34:41.760> He<00:34:42.000> didn't<00:34:42.159> get<00:34:42.320> all<00:34:42.560> of<00:34:42.639> us."

00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:53.280
[Music]

00:34:53.280 --> 00:35:00.560
But<00:34:53.520> I<00:34:53.760> couldn't<00:34:54.000> even<00:34:54.320> be<00:34:54.720> mad<00:34:54.960> at<00:34:55.200> her<00:34:55.839> because<00:34:56.399> I<00:34:56.720> was<00:34:56.960> truly<00:34:57.440> the<00:34:57.760> first<00:34:58.160> Jewish<00:34:58.640> person<00:34:59.119> she<00:34:59.440> had<00:34:59.680> ever<00:35:00.000> seen.

00:35:00.560 --> 00:35:03.680
That's<00:35:00.800> why<00:35:00.960> she<00:35:01.280> said<00:35:01.440> that.<00:35:01.920> She<00:35:02.240> could<00:35:02.480> not<00:35:02.800> believe<00:35:03.119> it.

00:35:03.680 --> 00:35:05.760
It<00:35:03.920> wasn't<00:35:04.240> said<00:35:04.480> with<00:35:04.640> hate<00:35:04.960> or<00:35:05.200> malice.

00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:13.920
So,<00:35:05.920> I<00:35:06.160> couldn't<00:35:06.400> be<00:35:06.640> mad.<00:35:07.280> She<00:35:07.520> said<00:35:07.760> it<00:35:07.920> with<00:35:08.320> awe,<00:35:08.960> like<00:35:09.280> she<00:35:09.440> had<00:35:09.599> just<00:35:09.760> gotten<00:35:10.079> so<00:35:10.400> lucky<00:35:10.880> that<00:35:11.200> I<00:35:11.920> She<00:35:12.160> said<00:35:12.320> it<00:35:12.480> as<00:35:12.640> if<00:35:12.800> she<00:35:12.960> was<00:35:13.119> like,<00:35:13.200> "Okay,<00:35:13.760> yeah,

00:35:13.920 --> 00:35:20.720
I<00:35:14.160> guess<00:35:14.240> I<00:35:14.480> only<00:35:14.720> have<00:35:14.880> two<00:35:15.119> wishes<00:35:15.520> left."

00:35:20.720 --> 00:35:23.760
So,<00:35:21.920> can't<00:35:22.160> be<00:35:22.320> mad<00:35:22.480> at<00:35:22.720> that<00:35:22.960> person.

00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:30.880
The<00:35:24.000> person<00:35:24.160> I<00:35:24.400> got<00:35:24.560> mad<00:35:24.720> at<00:35:24.960> was,<00:35:25.440> you<00:35:25.599> know,<00:35:25.760> every<00:35:26.000> now<00:35:26.160> and<00:35:26.320> then<00:35:26.720> one<00:35:26.960> of<00:35:27.040> my<00:35:27.280> friends<00:35:27.680> would<00:35:28.000> tell<00:35:28.160> me,<00:35:28.400> they<00:35:28.560> would,<00:35:28.800> they<00:35:28.960> were<00:35:29.119> like,<00:35:29.200> "You<00:35:29.520> shouldn't<00:35:29.760> be<00:35:29.920> Jewish.

00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:33.839
Like,<00:35:31.040> that<00:35:31.280> means<00:35:31.440> you're<00:35:31.680> going<00:35:31.760> to<00:35:32.000> hell.<00:35:32.400> You<00:35:32.560> should<00:35:32.640> be<00:35:32.880> Christian."

00:35:33.839 --> 00:35:36.079
And<00:35:34.000> I<00:35:34.160> tried<00:35:34.400> to<00:35:34.480> play<00:35:34.720> along.<00:35:35.040> I<00:35:35.200> wanted<00:35:35.359> to<00:35:35.520> be<00:35:35.599> accepted.

00:35:36.079 --> 00:35:38.240
So,<00:35:36.160> I<00:35:36.320> said,<00:35:36.400> "Okay,<00:35:36.720> what<00:35:36.880> do<00:35:36.960> I<00:35:37.119> have<00:35:37.200> to<00:35:37.280> do<00:35:37.359> to<00:35:37.599> be<00:35:37.760> Christian?"

00:35:38.240 --> 00:35:43.599
And<00:35:38.400> they<00:35:38.640> were<00:35:38.720> like,<00:35:38.800> "Okay,<00:35:39.280> whenever<00:35:39.599> you're<00:35:39.760> about<00:35:39.920> to<00:35:40.079> do<00:35:40.320> something,<00:35:41.119> just<00:35:41.359> ask<00:35:41.680> yourself<00:35:42.079> like,<00:35:42.320> what<00:35:42.560> would<00:35:42.720> Jesus<00:35:43.119> do?"

00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:49.839
And<00:35:43.759> I<00:35:43.919> was<00:35:44.080> like,<00:35:44.240> "He'd<00:35:44.400> be<00:35:44.560> Jewish."

00:35:49.839 --> 00:35:53.040
But<00:35:50.079> like<00:35:50.240> I<00:35:50.400> know<00:35:50.560> where<00:35:50.720> they<00:35:50.880> were<00:35:50.960> coming<00:35:51.119> from.<00:35:51.359> They<00:35:51.520> were<00:35:51.599> coming<00:35:51.760> from<00:35:51.920> a<00:35:52.079> place<00:35:52.240> of<00:35:52.400> love,<00:35:52.800> right?

00:35:53.040 --> 00:35:56.160
They<00:35:53.280> really<00:35:53.520> thought<00:35:53.680> I<00:35:53.920> was<00:35:54.079> going<00:35:54.240> to<00:35:54.480> hell.<00:35:55.200> They<00:35:55.440> wanted<00:35:55.680> to<00:35:55.839> save<00:35:56.000> me.

00:35:56.160 --> 00:36:00.800
I<00:35:56.560> The<00:35:56.880> first<00:35:57.040> time<00:35:57.200> I<00:35:57.440> ever<00:35:57.680> heard<00:35:57.839> that,<00:35:58.160> the<00:35:58.320> first<00:35:58.480> time<00:35:58.640> somebody<00:35:58.880> ever<00:35:59.119> told<00:35:59.280> me<00:35:59.440> I<00:35:59.599> was<00:35:59.680> going<00:35:59.839> to<00:35:59.920> hell,<00:36:00.240> it<00:36:00.400> was<00:36:00.480> wild.

00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:16.160
I<00:36:00.960> was<00:36:01.040> in<00:36:01.200> I<00:36:01.440> was<00:36:01.520> in<00:36:01.760> middle<00:36:02.000> school<00:36:02.320> and<00:36:02.640> my<00:36:02.800> friend<00:36:03.040> came<00:36:03.200> up<00:36:03.359> to<00:36:03.520> me<00:36:03.680> and<00:36:04.000> she<00:36:04.240> said,<00:36:04.720> "Earl,

00:36:16.160 --> 00:36:21.680
Do<00:36:16.400> you<00:36:16.480> guys<00:36:16.640> remember<00:36:16.960> from<00:36:17.200> before?"

00:36:21.680 --> 00:36:32.800
She<00:36:21.920> said,<00:36:22.079> "I'm<00:36:22.480> so<00:36:22.720> sorry<00:36:22.960> to<00:36:23.200> tell<00:36:23.359> you<00:36:23.520> this,<00:36:23.920> but<00:36:24.240> we<00:36:24.400> learned<00:36:24.640> in<00:36:24.880> Sunday<00:36:25.280> school<00:36:25.599> that<00:36:25.920> because<00:36:26.400> you're<00:36:26.640> a<00:36:26.960> Jewish,

00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:37.839
it<00:36:33.040> means<00:36:33.200> you're<00:36:33.440> going<00:36:33.680> to<00:36:33.839> hell."<00:36:35.280> And<00:36:35.440> I<00:36:35.680> was<00:36:35.760> like,<00:36:35.920> "Oh,<00:36:36.320> wow.

00:36:37.839 --> 00:36:42.720
You<00:36:38.160> think<00:36:38.320> about<00:36:38.560> me<00:36:38.720> on<00:36:38.960> the<00:36:39.119> weekends?<00:36:41.359> That's<00:36:41.680> awesome.

00:36:42.720 --> 00:36:46.240
That's<00:36:43.040> cool.<00:36:45.359> You<00:36:45.599> guys<00:36:45.760> are<00:36:45.920> cool."

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Thank<00:36:46.480> God.<00:36:48.960> Yeah.

00:36:49.280 --> 00:36:53.040
No,<00:36:49.680> I've<00:36:49.920> done<00:36:50.079> some<00:36:50.320> terrible<00:36:50.640> shows.<00:36:50.960> This<00:36:51.119> isn't<00:36:51.359> one<00:36:51.520> of<00:36:51.599> them.

00:36:53.040 --> 00:36:55.920
And<00:36:53.119> some<00:36:53.280> really<00:36:53.520> terrible<00:36:53.760> shows.<00:36:53.920> I'll<00:36:54.079> tell<00:36:54.160> you<00:36:54.320> the<00:36:54.480> worst<00:36:54.640> show<00:36:54.800> I<00:36:54.960> ever<00:36:55.200> did.

00:36:55.920 --> 00:37:04.480
Uh<00:36:56.240> I<00:36:56.480> I<00:36:56.800> did<00:36:56.880> a<00:36:57.119> show<00:36:57.280> in<00:36:57.599> New<00:36:57.839> Jersey,<00:36:58.560> which<00:36:59.119> don't

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And<00:37:05.040> at<00:37:05.280> the<00:37:05.520> show<00:37:06.000> that<00:37:06.160> I<00:37:06.400> it<00:37:06.720> wasn't<00:37:06.960> going<00:37:07.200> great.

00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:13.599
And<00:37:07.760> then<00:37:07.920> this<00:37:08.160> woman<00:37:08.400> started<00:37:08.720> heckling<00:37:09.200> me<00:37:09.920> and<00:37:10.160> she<00:37:10.320> and<00:37:10.480> I<00:37:10.640> got<00:37:10.800> into<00:37:11.119> a<00:37:11.359> big<00:37:11.760> back<00:37:12.000> and<00:37:12.240> forth.

00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:22.240
And<00:37:13.760> then<00:37:14.160> uh<00:37:14.400> as<00:37:14.720> she<00:37:14.880> and<00:37:15.119> her<00:37:15.280> husband<00:37:15.680> were<00:37:15.839> getting<00:37:16.160> kicked<00:37:16.480> out,<00:37:17.119> her<00:37:17.440> husband<00:37:18.240> threw<00:37:18.640> a<00:37:18.880> full<00:37:19.119> can<00:37:19.359> of<00:37:19.520> beer<00:37:19.760> at<00:37:20.000> me<00:37:20.720> that<00:37:21.280> it<00:37:21.440> it<00:37:21.839> whizzed

00:37:22.240 --> 00:37:26.880
right<00:37:22.480> by<00:37:22.720> me,<00:37:23.119> landed<00:37:23.680> right<00:37:23.920> next<00:37:24.160> to<00:37:24.320> me,<00:37:25.119> and<00:37:25.359> then<00:37:25.599> I<00:37:26.320> I<00:37:26.640> don't<00:37:26.720> know.

00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:31.090
I<00:37:27.119> picked<00:37:27.359> up<00:37:27.440> the<00:37:27.599> beer<00:37:27.839> and<00:37:28.000> I<00:37:28.160> chugged<00:37:28.560> the<00:37:28.720> rest<00:37:28.880> of<00:37:29.040> it.

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[Applause]<00:37:33.120> [Music]

00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:44.000
And<00:37:38.880> I<00:37:39.200> posted<00:37:39.520> a<00:37:39.760> video<00:37:39.920> of<00:37:40.160> that<00:37:41.119> and<00:37:41.359> that<00:37:41.599> video<00:37:42.000> went<00:37:42.560> pretty<00:37:42.960> viral.

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Uh<00:37:44.480> pretty<00:37:44.800> v<00:37:45.280> it<00:37:45.520> changed<00:37:45.760> my<00:37:46.000> life<00:37:46.240> honestly.

00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:49.280
Like<00:37:46.800> it<00:37:46.960> went<00:37:47.440> like<00:37:47.760> actually<00:37:48.000> I<00:37:48.240> fly<00:37:48.560> Delta<00:37:48.880> now.

00:37:49.280 --> 00:37:55.119
Like<00:37:49.440> that's<00:37:49.680> how<00:37:49.839> much<00:37:50.000> it<00:37:50.160> changed<00:37:50.400> my<00:37:50.640> life.<00:37:51.780> [Applause]

00:37:55.119 --> 00:37:58.480
I<00:37:55.359> got<00:37:55.599> there<00:37:56.000> my<00:37:56.240> fa<00:37:56.480> I<00:37:56.720> got<00:37:56.880> so<00:37:57.119> many<00:37:57.359> reactions<00:37:57.839> to<00:37:58.000> that.

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My<00:37:58.720> favorite<00:37:59.040> was<00:37:59.359> people<00:37:59.760> when<00:38:00.079> people<00:38:00.320> asked,<00:38:00.880> they<00:38:01.119> were<00:38:01.200> like,<00:38:01.359> "How<00:38:01.680> did<00:38:01.839> you<00:38:02.079> think<00:38:02.320> to<00:38:02.560> just<00:38:02.720> pick<00:38:02.960> up<00:38:03.119> the<00:38:03.280> beer<00:38:03.599> and<00:38:03.839> drink<00:38:04.079> it?"

00:38:04.320 --> 00:38:11.280
And<00:38:04.400> I<00:38:04.560> was<00:38:04.720> like,<00:38:04.721> "Oh,<00:38:05.520> I<00:38:05.839> have<00:38:05.920> a<00:38:06.160> drinking<00:38:06.560> problem."

00:38:11.280 --> 00:38:15.119
I<00:38:11.520> saw<00:38:11.839> a<00:38:12.079> free<00:38:12.320> drink<00:38:12.560> and<00:38:12.800> I<00:38:13.040> took<00:38:13.280> it.

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I<00:38:15.359> went<00:38:15.520> to<00:38:15.760> college<00:38:16.079> in<00:38:16.320> New<00:38:16.560> Orleans.

00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:30.720
Okay,<00:38:22.320> this<00:38:22.560> woman,<00:38:23.680> she<00:38:23.920> was<00:38:24.079> heckling<00:38:24.640> me<00:38:25.119> because<00:38:25.440> she<00:38:25.839> figured<00:38:26.160> out<00:38:26.400> from<00:38:26.640> one<00:38:26.800> of<00:38:26.960> my<00:38:27.119> jokes<00:38:27.920> that<00:38:28.160> I<00:38:28.400> voted<00:38:28.720> for<00:38:28.960> Joe<00:38:29.200> Biden.

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And<00:38:31.119> I<00:38:31.839> look,<00:38:33.119> we're<00:38:33.359> not<00:38:33.520> going<00:38:33.599> to<00:38:33.680> get<00:38:33.839> too<00:38:34.160> into<00:38:34.560> politics<00:38:35.040> cuz<00:38:35.200> I<00:38:35.359> don't<00:38:35.520> think<00:38:35.599> that's<00:38:35.760> what<00:38:35.920> we're<00:38:36.160> here<00:38:36.320> for.

00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:54.000
But<00:38:37.040> I<00:38:37.280> do<00:38:37.599> want<00:38:37.760> to<00:38:37.920> say<00:38:38.720> that<00:38:39.040> it<00:38:39.599> genuinely<00:38:40.400> sucks<00:38:40.800> to<00:38:41.040> have<00:38:41.200> taken<00:38:41.520> a<00:38:41.680> beer<00:38:42.079> can<00:38:42.400> for<00:38:42.880> Joe<00:38:43.440> Biden.

00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:59.119
You<00:38:54.160> get<00:38:54.320> that,<00:38:54.560> right?<00:38:54.800> Cuz<00:38:54.960> he's<00:38:55.200> not<00:38:55.359> a<00:38:55.520> cool<00:38:55.839> person,<00:38:57.200> right?

00:38:59.119 --> 00:39:03.280
Like<00:38:59.359> Beyonce<00:39:00.000> is<00:39:00.240> who<00:39:00.400> I<00:39:00.560> would<00:39:00.880> gladly<00:39:01.520> dive<00:39:01.920> in<00:39:02.079> front<00:39:02.160> of<00:39:02.240> a<00:39:02.400> beer<00:39:02.720> can<00:39:02.960> for.

00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:07.680
Beyonce.<00:39:03.920> I<00:39:04.079> would<00:39:04.160> take<00:39:04.320> an<00:39:04.480> interaction<00:39:04.960> for<00:39:05.119> Beyonce<00:39:05.760> at<00:39:06.079> this<00:39:06.240> point.

00:39:07.680 --> 00:39:15.440
Not<00:39:08.079> Joe<00:39:08.400> Biden.<00:39:10.160> Joe<00:39:10.400> Biden<00:39:10.720> is<00:39:10.880> the<00:39:11.040> Jason<00:39:11.440> Derulo<00:39:12.000> of<00:39:12.240> politics

00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:21.119
because<00:39:15.760> nobody's<00:39:16.160> like,<00:39:16.320> "Yeah,<00:39:16.640> it's<00:39:16.800> my<00:39:16.960> number<00:39:17.119> one<00:39:17.280> guy,<00:39:17.520> but<00:39:17.760> if<00:39:17.839> it's<00:39:18.000> on,<00:39:18.320> it's<00:39:18.560> fine.

00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:27.040
I'm<00:39:21.359> not<00:39:21.599> Joe<00:39:21.920> Biden."<00:39:24.079> To<00:39:24.480> her<00:39:24.800> credit,<00:39:25.920> she<00:39:26.320> was<00:39:26.480> right.

00:39:27.040 --> 00:39:34.560
I<00:39:27.359> did<00:39:27.680> vote<00:39:27.920> for<00:39:28.079> him.<00:39:28.880> I<00:39:29.200> voted<00:39:29.520> for<00:39:29.680> him<00:39:30.000> because<00:39:30.400> I<00:39:30.960> loved<00:39:31.440> that<00:39:31.680> he<00:39:31.920> was<00:39:32.079> tired.

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Obsessed<00:39:35.119> with<00:39:35.280> that.<00:39:35.440> I<00:39:35.680> think<00:39:35.760> that's<00:39:36.000> a<00:39:36.320> great<00:39:36.640> quality<00:39:38.000> for<00:39:38.240> the<00:39:38.480> president<00:39:38.800> of<00:39:38.960> the<00:39:39.280> I<00:39:39.440> think<00:39:39.680> every<00:39:40.079> world<00:39:40.400> leader<00:39:40.800> should<00:39:41.040> be<00:39:41.359> 90<00:39:41.839> and<00:39:42.240> exhausted.

00:39:46.240 --> 00:39:50.400
I<00:39:46.560> want<00:39:46.720> them<00:39:46.960> to<00:39:47.119> be<00:39:47.359> too<00:39:47.680> tired<00:39:48.320> to<00:39:48.560> put<00:39:48.800> us<00:39:48.960> in<00:39:49.200> danger.

00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:53.599
That's<00:39:50.640> what<00:39:50.800> I'm<00:39:51.040> looking<00:39:51.280> for<00:39:51.520> in<00:39:51.839> my<00:39:52.079> leaders.

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Cuz<00:39:53.920> think<00:39:54.160> about<00:39:54.240> it,<00:39:54.640> there's<00:39:54.960> so<00:39:55.200> much<00:39:55.520> stuff<00:39:55.760> that<00:39:56.079> happens<00:39:56.320> that<00:39:56.560> we<00:39:56.800> as<00:39:56.960> civilians<00:39:57.680> will<00:39:58.000> never<00:39:58.320> find<00:39:58.640> out<00:39:58.800> about.

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So,<00:40:00.160> I<00:40:00.640> truly<00:40:01.119> believe<00:40:01.599> it's<00:40:02.000> possible<00:40:02.400> that<00:40:02.720> there<00:40:03.040> was<00:40:03.200> a<00:40:03.440> night<00:40:03.920> where<00:40:04.240> Joe<00:40:04.480> Biden<00:40:04.880> was<00:40:05.040> going<00:40:05.119> to<00:40:05.280> press<00:40:05.440> the<00:40:05.680> nuclear<00:40:06.079> button,<00:40:06.720> but<00:40:06.960> then<00:40:07.119> it<00:40:07.440> got<00:40:07.839> late

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and<00:40:15.200> we<00:40:15.440> all<00:40:15.599> get<00:40:15.760> another<00:40:16.079> day,<00:40:16.480> you<00:40:16.640> know?

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Like,<00:40:20.000> I<00:40:20.320> do<00:40:20.560> not<00:40:20.880> agree<00:40:21.200> with<00:40:21.520> every<00:40:21.920> decision<00:40:22.560> Joe<00:40:22.960> Biden<00:40:23.440> has<00:40:23.680> made.

00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:39.599
I<00:40:24.320> disagree<00:40:24.720> with<00:40:24.880> a<00:40:25.200> lot<00:40:25.280> of<00:40:25.440> his<00:40:25.760> decisions,<00:40:26.640> but<00:40:26.800> I<00:40:27.040> take<00:40:27.359> comfort<00:40:27.760> in<00:40:28.079> knowing<00:40:28.400> that<00:40:28.640> for<00:40:28.880> every<00:40:29.119> decision<00:40:29.520> he<00:40:29.839> made,<00:40:30.400> he<00:40:30.800> slept<00:40:31.119> on<00:40:31.359> it.

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So,<00:40:39.920> this<00:40:40.160> beer<00:40:40.480> can<00:40:40.800> video,<00:40:41.520> it<00:40:41.760> it<00:40:42.160> happened<00:40:42.800> a<00:40:43.040> while<00:40:43.280> ago.

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Like,<00:40:44.079> it's<00:40:44.240> it's<00:40:44.640> been<00:40:44.800> it's<00:40:45.119> been<00:40:45.280> a<00:40:45.440> minute.

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And<00:40:46.320> there<00:40:46.560> is<00:40:46.720> part<00:40:46.960> of<00:40:47.119> me<00:40:47.680> that<00:40:48.079> feels<00:40:48.320> like<00:40:48.480> I<00:40:48.720> should<00:40:48.880> be<00:40:49.040> over<00:40:49.280> it<00:40:49.520> by<00:40:49.760> now,<00:40:50.160> like<00:40:50.400> that<00:40:50.560> I<00:40:50.720> shouldn't<00:40:50.960> still<00:40:51.200> be<00:40:51.440> talking<00:40:51.680> about<00:40:51.920> it.

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But<00:40:52.640> the<00:40:52.800> truth<00:40:53.040> is,<00:40:53.440> I<00:40:53.760> think<00:40:54.000> about<00:40:54.240> that<00:40:54.560> night<00:40:55.119> all<00:40:55.359> the<00:40:55.599> time.

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I<00:40:56.319> do.<00:40:56.640> I<00:40:56.880> think<00:40:57.040> about<00:40:57.200> it<00:40:57.520> so<00:40:57.760> much<00:40:58.079> because<00:40:58.640> those<00:40:59.040> two<00:40:59.280> people<00:40:59.680> who<00:41:00.000> did<00:41:00.240> that,<00:41:00.880> they're<00:41:01.200> terrible<00:41:01.760> people,<00:41:02.480> but<00:41:02.720> they're<00:41:02.960> a<00:41:03.280> great<00:41:03.599> couple.

00:41:04.319 --> 00:41:15.280
And<00:41:04.560> I<00:41:06.000> I<00:41:06.400> can't<00:41:06.640> stop<00:41:06.960> thinking<00:41:08.319> about<00:41:08.640> the<00:41:09.040> true<00:41:09.440> love<00:41:10.079> I<00:41:10.480> saw<00:41:10.720> that<00:41:11.040> night.

00:41:15.280 --> 00:41:23.599
Sometimes<00:41:16.560> I<00:41:16.880> lie<00:41:17.119> in<00:41:17.359> bed<00:41:17.520> at<00:41:17.760> night<00:41:19.599> replaying<00:41:20.319> that<00:41:20.640> event<00:41:21.680> and<00:41:21.920> I<00:41:22.160> just<00:41:22.400> keep<00:41:22.720> thinking<00:41:23.040> about<00:41:23.280> how

00:41:23.599 --> 00:41:31.920
she<00:41:24.240> started<00:41:24.640> the<00:41:24.880> fight<00:41:25.920> and<00:41:26.160> then<00:41:26.400> her<00:41:26.720> husband<00:41:27.839> finished<00:41:28.319> the<00:41:28.640> fight<00:41:29.920> and<00:41:30.160> then<00:41:30.319> I<00:41:30.560> roll<00:41:30.800> over<00:41:30.960> in<00:41:31.200> bed<00:41:31.280> and<00:41:31.520> see<00:41:31.680> my

00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:37.520
husband<00:41:32.319> and<00:41:32.560> I'm<00:41:32.720> like<00:41:33.200> I<00:41:33.359> don't<00:41:33.440> think<00:41:33.599> he<00:41:33.760> would<00:41:33.920> do<00:41:34.079> that<00:41:34.240> for<00:41:34.480> me.

00:41:37.520 --> 00:41:47.119
I<00:41:37.680> don't<00:41:37.760> think<00:41:39.280> like<00:41:39.520> they're<00:41:39.839> terrible<00:41:40.319> people<00:41:40.560> but<00:41:40.800> I<00:41:40.960> want<00:41:41.119> what<00:41:41.280> they<00:41:41.520> have.

00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:58.160
You<00:41:47.440> don't<00:41:47.520> see<00:41:47.680> that<00:41:47.920> very<00:41:48.079> often,<00:41:48.400> right?<00:41:48.560> Like<00:41:48.720> a<00:41:48.880> couple<00:41:49.040> who<00:41:49.280> finishes<00:41:49.680> each<00:41:49.920> other's<00:41:50.160> sentences<00:41:51.119> in<00:41:51.440> prison.

00:41:58.160 --> 00:42:01.440
What<00:41:58.319> if<00:41:58.400> I<00:41:58.560> dedicated<00:41:58.960> the<00:41:59.200> special<00:41:59.440> to<00:41:59.680> them?

00:42:01.440 --> 00:42:08.640
It<00:42:01.599> was<00:42:01.760> so<00:42:02.000> funny.<00:42:03.200> I<00:42:03.520> made<00:42:03.760> my<00:42:04.000> special<00:42:04.319> thank<00:42:04.560> yous,<00:42:06.720> man.

00:42:08.640 --> 00:42:12.800
Okay,<00:42:09.040> here's<00:42:09.280> the<00:42:09.520> joke<00:42:09.760> I<00:42:10.000> told<00:42:10.400> that<00:42:10.640> got<00:42:10.880> her<00:42:11.119> mad<00:42:11.280> at<00:42:11.520> me.

00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:16.800
Uh,<00:42:13.280> I<00:42:13.760> uh<00:42:14.000> I'm<00:42:14.240> a<00:42:14.480> very<00:42:14.800> insecure<00:42:15.520> person.

00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:20.319
Very<00:42:17.040> insecure<00:42:17.599> about<00:42:17.920> my<00:42:18.160> body.<00:42:18.880> It's<00:42:19.119> something<00:42:19.359> I'm<00:42:19.599> working<00:42:19.760> on.

00:42:20.319 --> 00:42:25.760
But<00:42:20.480> I<00:42:20.800> realized<00:42:21.200> that<00:42:21.520> my<00:42:21.680> insecurities<00:42:22.400> had<00:42:22.640> gotten<00:42:22.880> out<00:42:23.040> of<00:42:23.200> hand<00:42:23.440> when<00:42:23.760> I<00:42:23.920> went<00:42:24.079> to<00:42:24.240> get<00:42:24.400> an<00:42:24.560> IUD.

00:42:25.760 --> 00:42:32.720
And<00:42:26.000> if<00:42:26.160> you<00:42:26.319> don't<00:42:26.480> know<00:42:26.560> what<00:42:26.720> an<00:42:26.880> IUD<00:42:27.280> is,<00:42:27.599> you<00:42:27.760> guys<00:42:27.920> seem<00:42:28.160> cool,<00:42:28.400> but<00:42:28.560> if<00:42:28.720> you're<00:42:28.880> visiting,<00:42:29.440> an<00:42:29.599> IUD,

00:42:32.720 --> 00:42:42.560
an<00:42:32.960> IUD<00:42:33.520> is<00:42:33.839> birth<00:42:34.160> control<00:42:34.560> that<00:42:34.880> goes<00:42:35.119> in<00:42:35.440> you<00:42:35.680> and<00:42:35.920> then<00:42:36.079> it<00:42:36.240> gets<00:42:36.400> you<00:42:36.560> through<00:42:36.800> two<00:42:37.040> administrations.

00:42:42.560 --> 00:42:50.800
And<00:42:42.800> my<00:42:43.119> doctor,<00:42:43.599> as<00:42:43.839> she<00:42:44.079> was<00:42:44.240> putting<00:42:44.480> in<00:42:44.640> my<00:42:44.800> IUD,<00:42:45.680> she<00:42:46.000> stopped<00:42:46.400> halfway<00:42:46.880> through<00:42:47.280> and<00:42:47.599> she<00:42:47.839> said,<00:42:48.079> "Hey,<00:42:49.040> uh,<00:42:49.200> I<00:42:49.359> know<00:42:49.520> this<00:42:49.680> is<00:42:49.839> going<00:42:49.920> to<00:42:50.000> be<00:42:50.160> surprising<00:42:50.560> for

00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:57.200
you,<00:42:51.119> but<00:42:51.359> you<00:42:51.599> actually<00:42:51.839> have<00:42:52.000> a<00:42:52.240> very<00:42:52.400> narrow<00:42:52.880> canal<00:42:53.680> and<00:42:53.920> it's<00:42:54.160> so<00:42:54.480> narrow<00:42:54.960> we<00:42:55.200> almost<00:42:55.520> couldn't<00:42:55.839> do<00:42:56.000> this<00:42:56.240> procedure."

00:42:57.200 --> 00:43:14.880
And<00:42:57.440> I<00:42:57.680> was<00:42:57.760> like,<00:42:58.400> "Stop."

00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:21.440
That's<00:43:15.119> so<00:43:15.280> nice.<00:43:15.599> Thank<00:43:15.839> you.<00:43:17.839> And<00:43:18.079> she<00:43:18.319> was<00:43:18.480> like,<00:43:18.560> "It's<00:43:18.880> a<00:43:19.200> medical<00:43:19.839> condition,<00:43:20.560> Ariel."

00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:28.000
And<00:43:21.738> I<00:43:22.036> was<00:43:22.333> like,<00:43:22.631> "Oh,<00:43:22.929> I<00:43:23.227> should<00:43:23.524> get<00:43:23.822> help."<00:43:24.120> The<00:43:24.418> uh<00:43:24.716> the<00:43:25.013> IUD<00:43:25.311> that<00:43:25.609> I<00:43:25.907> have<00:43:26.204> is<00:43:26.502> called<00:43:26.800> Mirena.

00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:36.640
And<00:43:28.319> uh<00:43:28.560> I<00:43:28.880> would<00:43:29.040> not<00:43:29.280> get<00:43:29.440> that<00:43:29.680> one<00:43:29.920> again<00:43:30.240> if<00:43:30.480> I<00:43:30.640> were<00:43:30.800> to<00:43:31.040> do<00:43:31.119> it<00:43:31.359> over<00:43:31.599> again<00:43:32.079> because<00:43:32.400> one<00:43:32.640> of<00:43:32.720> the<00:43:32.960> side<00:43:33.119> effects<00:43:33.520> of<00:43:33.839> Mirena<00:43:34.480> is<00:43:34.720> that<00:43:34.880> I<00:43:35.119> no<00:43:35.280> longer<00:43:35.520> get<00:43:35.760> my<00:43:35.920> period.

00:43:36.640 --> 00:43:44.720
And<00:43:36.880> I<00:43:37.040> hate<00:43:37.280> that<00:43:37.440> side<00:43:37.680> effect.<00:43:38.000> I<00:43:38.160> know<00:43:38.319> that<00:43:38.480> sounds<00:43:38.720> crazy,<00:43:39.040> but<00:43:39.280> I<00:43:39.440> hate<00:43:39.599> it<00:43:40.000> because<00:43:40.560> one<00:43:40.880> reason<00:43:41.359> is<00:43:42.400> uh<00:43:42.560> we<00:43:42.880> really<00:43:43.200> can<00:43:43.520> sync<00:43:43.760> up<00:43:43.920> our<00:43:44.160> periods.

00:43:44.720 --> 00:43:47.119
That's<00:43:44.960> like<00:43:45.119> a<00:43:45.280> thing<00:43:45.520> we<00:43:45.760> do<00:43:46.000> and<00:43:46.240> I<00:43:46.560> love<00:43:46.800> that.

00:43:47.119 --> 00:43:50.240
I<00:43:47.359> think<00:43:47.440> that's<00:43:47.680> so<00:43:47.920> cool.<00:43:48.240> It<00:43:48.400> feels<00:43:48.640> very<00:43:48.880> like<00:43:49.119> like<00:43:49.359> I'm<00:43:49.520> part<00:43:49.599> of<00:43:49.680> a<00:43:49.839> coven.

00:43:50.240 --> 00:43:53.520
It<00:43:50.400> feels<00:43:50.640> very<00:43:50.800> witchy.<00:43:52.960> Bonus.

00:43:53.520 --> 00:44:03.599
It<00:43:53.680> freaks<00:43:54.000> men<00:43:54.240> out<00:43:54.319> that<00:43:54.560> we<00:43:54.720> can<00:43:54.800> do<00:43:54.880> it.<00:43:55.040> As<00:43:55.280> if<00:43:55.440> they<00:43:55.599> don't<00:43:55.760> all<00:43:55.920> constantly<00:43:56.319> have<00:43:56.480> diarrhea,<00:43:57.280> but<00:43:57.599> whatever.

00:44:03.599 --> 00:44:08.800
Two,<00:44:04.319> the<00:44:04.560> other<00:44:04.800> reason<00:44:05.119> I<00:44:05.359> miss<00:44:05.599> getting<00:44:05.839> my<00:44:06.000> period<00:44:06.319> is<00:44:06.640> I<00:44:06.960> struggle<00:44:07.280> with<00:44:07.440> depression.

00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:14.480
And<00:44:09.119> sometimes<00:44:09.680> it<00:44:09.920> was<00:44:10.079> nice<00:44:10.240> to<00:44:10.400> have<00:44:10.640> just<00:44:10.880> accomplished<00:44:11.440> one<00:44:11.760> thing<00:44:12.160> in<00:44:12.400> a<00:44:12.560> day.

00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:20.880
That's<00:44:14.720> the<00:44:14.880> feel.<00:44:15.119> If<00:44:15.280> you've<00:44:15.440> never<00:44:15.599> had<00:44:15.760> a<00:44:15.920> period<00:44:16.319> before,<00:44:16.640> it's<00:44:16.880> the<00:44:17.040> same<00:44:17.200> feeling<00:44:17.440> that<00:44:17.599> you<00:44:17.760> get<00:44:17.920> whenever<00:44:18.240> you<00:44:18.400> pay<00:44:18.640> rent,<00:44:19.680> right?

00:44:20.880 --> 00:44:24.960
Cuz<00:44:21.119> it<00:44:21.359> happens<00:44:21.680> once<00:44:21.920> a<00:44:22.079> month,<00:44:22.400> hopefully<00:44:22.800> on<00:44:23.119> time,<00:44:23.680> right?

00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:35.250
Otherwise,<00:44:25.520> somebody's<00:44:26.000> getting<00:44:26.160> evicted.

00:44:35.250 --> 00:44:39.359
[Applause]

00:44:39.359 --> 00:44:44.880
It's<00:44:39.599> an<00:44:39.839> abortion<00:44:40.240> joke.<00:44:42.720> This<00:44:42.880> is<00:44:43.040> one<00:44:43.200> of<00:44:43.280> like<00:44:43.440> seven<00:44:43.760> states<00:44:44.000> I<00:44:44.160> can<00:44:44.319> still<00:44:44.480> tell<00:44:44.640> it.

00:44:44.880 --> 00:44:50.720
You<00:44:45.040> know,<00:44:47.520> [Music]

00:44:50.720 --> 00:44:52.880
I<00:44:50.960> love<00:44:51.119> my<00:44:51.280> gynecologist.<00:44:52.160> She's<00:44:52.400> the<00:44:52.560> best.

00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:58.800
The<00:44:53.040> first<00:44:53.200> time<00:44:53.359> I<00:44:53.520> went<00:44:53.599> to<00:44:53.760> her,<00:44:54.000> it<00:44:54.240> was<00:44:54.319> because<00:44:54.480> I<00:44:54.720> was<00:44:54.800> having<00:44:55.040> trouble<00:44:55.280> with<00:44:55.440> adult<00:44:55.839> acne,<00:44:56.640> and<00:44:56.880> then<00:44:57.040> she<00:44:57.280> was<00:44:57.440> like,<00:44:57.599> "Hey,<00:44:58.000> that's<00:44:58.240> not<00:44:58.480> cute."

00:44:58.800 --> 00:45:02.000
It's<00:44:59.119> herpes.

00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:04.640
You<00:45:02.240> have<00:45:02.319> to<00:45:02.480> call<00:45:02.640> it<00:45:02.960> herpes.<00:45:04.240> Okay.

00:45:04.640 --> 00:45:10.960
It's<00:45:04.880> not<00:45:04.960> as<00:45:05.200> clever<00:45:05.520> as<00:45:05.760> you<00:45:05.920> think<00:45:06.079> that<00:45:06.400> you're<00:45:06.640> calling<00:45:06.880> it<00:45:07.280> adult<00:45:07.920> acne.

00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:16.640
Also,<00:45:11.359> you<00:45:11.599> have<00:45:11.839> adult<00:45:12.160> acne.

00:45:16.640 --> 00:45:21.200
Okay.<00:45:16.960> And<00:45:17.119> I<00:45:17.440> feel<00:45:17.680> some<00:45:17.920> of<00:45:18.079> you<00:45:18.400> pulling<00:45:18.800> away.

00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:30.160
Statistically,<00:45:21.920> one<00:45:22.079> in<00:45:22.319> five<00:45:22.480> of<00:45:22.640> you<00:45:22.800> should<00:45:22.960> be<00:45:23.119> very<00:45:23.440> with<00:45:23.680> me<00:45:24.000> right<00:45:24.240> now,<00:45:24.640> just<00:45:24.880> so<00:45:25.040> we're<00:45:25.280> clear.

00:45:30.160 --> 00:45:32.319
My<00:45:30.480> husband<00:45:31.119> does<00:45:31.359> not<00:45:31.599> have<00:45:31.920> herpes.

00:45:32.319 --> 00:45:39.359
He<00:45:32.480> likes<00:45:32.720> me<00:45:32.880> to<00:45:33.040> say<00:45:33.200> that.<00:45:33.680> And<00:45:34.240> um,<00:45:35.680> when<00:45:36.000> we<00:45:36.240> first<00:45:36.720> met,<00:45:37.200> I<00:45:37.440> was<00:45:37.599> very<00:45:37.920> open<00:45:38.160> with<00:45:38.319> him<00:45:38.640> from<00:45:38.880> the<00:45:39.040> jump.

00:45:39.359 --> 00:45:42.400
I<00:45:39.569> was<00:45:39.779> like,<00:45:39.989> "Hi,<00:45:40.199> I'm<00:45:40.410> Ariel.<00:45:40.620> I<00:45:40.830> have<00:45:41.040> herpes."

00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:55.040
And<00:45:42.640> he<00:45:42.800> was<00:45:42.960> like,<00:45:43.119> like<00:45:43.359> the<00:45:43.520> former<00:45:43.920> prime<00:45:44.079> minister<00:45:44.319> of<00:45:44.560> Israel.

00:45:55.040 --> 00:46:01.680
So,<00:45:55.440> he<00:45:55.760> was<00:45:55.839> cool<00:45:56.079> with<00:45:56.319> it,<00:45:56.960> but<00:45:57.200> he<00:45:57.520> did<00:45:57.680> have<00:45:57.920> questions,<00:45:58.640> and<00:45:58.880> I<00:45:59.040> think<00:45:59.200> that's<00:45:59.839> totally<00:46:00.400> fair.

00:46:01.680 --> 00:46:09.200
He<00:46:01.920> asked<00:46:02.240> me,<00:46:03.359> "Okay,<00:46:03.839> if<00:46:04.079> you<00:46:04.240> have<00:46:04.400> herpes,<00:46:05.359> does<00:46:05.520> this<00:46:05.760> mean<00:46:05.920> that<00:46:06.079> we<00:46:06.240> should<00:46:06.400> use<00:46:06.560> a<00:46:06.800> condom<00:46:07.200> every<00:46:07.520> time<00:46:07.599> we<00:46:07.839> have<00:46:08.079> sex?"

00:46:09.200 --> 00:46:14.960
And<00:46:09.440> I<00:46:09.599> was<00:46:09.760> like,<00:46:09.839> "Yeah,<00:46:11.440> or<00:46:11.680> you<00:46:11.920> could<00:46:12.160> get<00:46:12.319> it.

00:46:14.960 --> 00:46:19.359
You're<00:46:15.359> 40.<00:46:15.839> Live<00:46:16.000> a<00:46:16.240> little."

00:46:19.359 --> 00:46:21.520
But<00:46:19.599> otherwise,<00:46:20.079> yes,<00:46:20.319> that's<00:46:20.560> what<00:46:20.720> that<00:46:20.880> means.

00:46:21.520 --> 00:46:24.640
And<00:46:21.680> then<00:46:21.839> he<00:46:22.160> said,<00:46:22.640> "Oh<00:46:23.040> man,<00:46:23.440> that<00:46:23.760> sucks.

00:46:24.640 --> 00:46:27.440
Sex<00:46:24.880> without<00:46:25.200> a<00:46:25.359> condom<00:46:25.760> feels<00:46:26.079> so<00:46:26.319> much<00:46:26.560> better."

00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:38.240
And<00:46:27.680> I<00:46:27.839> was<00:46:28.000> like,<00:46:28.079> "Yeah,<00:46:30.000> I<00:46:30.319> know.

00:46:38.240 --> 00:46:42.560
That's<00:46:38.480> how<00:46:38.640> I<00:46:38.880> got<00:46:39.119> herpes."<00:46:40.560> Yeah.

00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:47.280
It's,<00:46:42.800> it's<00:46:43.119> one<00:46:43.280> of<00:46:43.359> those<00:46:43.520> things.<00:46:43.839> Herpes,<00:46:44.319> it<00:46:44.560> sounds<00:46:44.960> much<00:46:45.200> worse<00:46:45.599> than<00:46:45.839> it<00:46:46.000> is,<00:46:47.040> right?

00:46:47.280 --> 00:46:54.160
I<00:46:47.520> feel<00:46:47.599> like<00:46:47.680> it<00:46:47.920> wouldn't<00:46:48.079> sound<00:46:48.240> nearly<00:46:48.560> as<00:46:48.720> bad<00:46:48.880> if<00:46:49.119> it<00:46:49.280> wasn't<00:46:49.440> plural.

00:46:54.160 --> 00:46:58.000
Like<00:46:54.400> if<00:46:54.560> I<00:46:54.720> was<00:46:54.800> up<00:46:54.960> here<00:46:55.119> and<00:46:55.280> I<00:46:55.440> was<00:46:55.520> like,<00:46:55.680> I<00:46:55.920> have<00:46:56.000> a<00:46:56.160> herp,<00:46:56.480> you'd<00:46:56.560> be<00:46:56.640> like,<00:46:56.880> oh<00:46:56.960> my<00:46:57.040> god,<00:46:57.280> that's<00:46:57.440> adorable.

00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:01.760
What<00:46:58.160> is<00:46:58.319> that?<00:46:58.640> I<00:46:58.880> love<00:46:59.119> that.

00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:06.880
But<00:47:01.920> we<00:47:02.160> don't<00:47:02.400> talk<00:47:02.560> about<00:47:02.800> it.<00:47:03.119> So<00:47:03.280> there's<00:47:03.440> a<00:47:03.599> lot<00:47:03.680> of<00:47:03.839> stigma<00:47:04.400> and<00:47:04.640> there's<00:47:04.880> a<00:47:04.960> lot<00:47:05.040> of<00:47:05.200> misinformation.

00:47:06.880 --> 00:47:14.079
Right?<00:47:07.119> One<00:47:07.359> time<00:47:07.599> this<00:47:07.920> woman<00:47:08.240> after<00:47:08.560> a<00:47:08.800> show,<00:47:09.599> uh,<00:47:09.839> came<00:47:10.000> up<00:47:10.160> to<00:47:10.319> me<00:47:10.480> and<00:47:10.720> she<00:47:10.960> said,<00:47:11.359> "You<00:47:11.760> don't<00:47:11.920> really<00:47:12.160> have<00:47:12.480> herpes,<00:47:13.119> do<00:47:13.280> you?"

00:47:14.079 --> 00:47:20.079
And<00:47:14.319> I<00:47:14.480> was<00:47:14.560> like,<00:47:14.640> "Yeah,<00:47:14.960> this<00:47:15.119> isn't<00:47:15.359> a<00:47:15.599> cute<00:47:15.760> thing<00:47:16.000> I'm<00:47:16.160> making<00:47:16.400> up<00:47:16.560> to<00:47:16.720> get<00:47:16.880> guys."

00:47:20.079 --> 00:47:22.960
And<00:47:20.319> then<00:47:20.560> she<00:47:20.880> said,<00:47:21.839> "That's<00:47:22.400> so<00:47:22.640> gross.

00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:27.839
I<00:47:23.200> use<00:47:23.359> the<00:47:23.599> bathroom<00:47:23.920> after<00:47:24.240> you."

00:47:27.839 --> 00:47:30.720
And<00:47:28.000> I<00:47:28.240> was<00:47:28.319> like,<00:47:28.400> "Wait,<00:47:30.240> babe.

00:47:30.720 --> 00:47:36.960
How<00:47:30.880> do<00:47:31.040> you<00:47:31.280> pee?

00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:42.880
Do<00:47:37.200> you<00:47:37.359> go<00:47:37.680> around<00:47:38.160> the<00:47:38.480> rim?

00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:46.079
Don't<00:47:43.280> do<00:47:43.440> that.

00:47:46.079 --> 00:47:49.599
Cuz<00:47:46.319> that's<00:47:46.560> the<00:47:46.800> only<00:47:46.960> way<00:47:47.119> you're<00:47:47.359> going<00:47:47.440> to<00:47:47.520> get<00:47:47.599> it<00:47:47.760> from<00:47:48.000> me<00:47:48.240> on<00:47:48.400> a<00:47:48.560> toilet<00:47:48.960> seat.

00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:53.280
Wild.

00:47:53.280 --> 00:47:55.760
I<00:47:53.520> do<00:47:53.760> actually<00:47:54.160> know<00:47:54.480> who<00:47:54.720> I<00:47:54.880> got<00:47:55.119> herpes<00:47:55.520> from.

00:47:55.760 --> 00:47:58.319
That's<00:47:55.920> a<00:47:56.079> very<00:47:56.319> rare<00:47:56.640> thing<00:47:56.880> because<00:47:57.119> herpes<00:47:57.520> is<00:47:57.680> so<00:47:57.920> common.

00:47:58.319 --> 00:48:00.640
But<00:47:58.400> I,<00:47:58.720> I,<00:47:58.880> I<00:47:59.119> know<00:47:59.280> I<00:47:59.440> got<00:47:59.520> it<00:47:59.680> from<00:47:59.760> an<00:47:59.920> ex-boyfriend.

00:48:00.640 --> 00:48:09.599
Um,<00:48:01.200> and<00:48:01.520> I<00:48:01.760> know<00:48:02.000> he<00:48:02.240> called<00:48:02.480> me<00:48:02.640> up,<00:48:03.280> uh,<00:48:03.680> cuz<00:48:04.000> he<00:48:04.240> heard<00:48:04.400> that<00:48:04.560> I<00:48:04.720> was<00:48:04.880> talking<00:48:05.040> about<00:48:05.200> it<00:48:05.440> on<00:48:05.680> stage<00:48:06.480> and

00:48:09.599 --> 00:48:11.440
he<00:48:09.920> said,<00:48:10.560> uh,<00:48:10.720> he<00:48:10.960> called<00:48:11.119> me<00:48:11.200> up.

00:48:11.440 --> 00:48:14.079
He<00:48:11.520> goes,<00:48:11.680> "I<00:48:11.920> think<00:48:12.079> it's<00:48:12.400> so<00:48:12.720> disgusting."<00:48:13.200> That's<00:48:13.440> what<00:48:13.520> he<00:48:13.680> sounds<00:48:13.839> like.

00:48:14.079 --> 00:48:20.880
I<00:48:14.240> don't<00:48:14.319> know.<00:48:16.480> I<00:48:16.640> think<00:48:16.800> it's<00:48:17.040> so<00:48:17.280> disgusting<00:48:17.680> that<00:48:17.920> you're<00:48:18.160> talking<00:48:18.319> about<00:48:18.640> herpes<00:48:19.119> on<00:48:19.440> stage.

00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:25.680
I<00:48:21.063> was<00:48:21.246> like,<00:48:21.429> "Wait,<00:48:21.611> how<00:48:21.794> are<00:48:21.977> you<00:48:22.160> going<00:48:22.343> to<00:48:22.526> tell<00:48:22.709> me<00:48:22.891> it's<00:48:23.074> disgusting<00:48:23.257> when<00:48:23.440> you're<00:48:23.623> the<00:48:23.806> one<00:48:23.989> who<00:48:24.171> gave<00:48:24.354> it<00:48:24.537> to<00:48:24.720> me?"

00:48:25.680 --> 00:48:27.920
And<00:48:25.839> he<00:48:26.000> goes,<00:48:26.079> "Yeah,<00:48:26.400> but<00:48:26.640> I<00:48:26.800> don't<00:48:26.960> talk<00:48:27.280> about<00:48:27.520> it."

00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:36.640
And<00:48:28.160> I<00:48:28.400> was<00:48:28.480> like,<00:48:28.640> "Yeah,<00:48:30.079> I<00:48:30.400> know.

00:48:36.640 --> 00:48:40.640
That's<00:48:36.880> how<00:48:37.040> I<00:48:37.200> got<00:48:37.440> herpes."

00:48:40.640 --> 00:48:45.119
I<00:48:40.960> wish<00:48:41.119> that<00:48:41.280> herpes<00:48:41.680> were<00:48:41.839> the<00:48:42.000> cause<00:48:42.160> of<00:48:42.319> my<00:48:42.480> insecurities<00:48:43.280> cuz<00:48:43.520> that<00:48:43.680> would<00:48:43.760> be<00:48:43.920> like<00:48:44.079> a<00:48:44.240> legitimate<00:48:44.720> reason.

00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:47.920
It's<00:48:45.359> not.<00:48:45.680> I'm<00:48:45.920> just,<00:48:46.160> I'm<00:48:46.480> just<00:48:46.640> a<00:48:46.800> woman<00:48:47.119> existing."

00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:54.240
And<00:48:48.160> so<00:48:48.400> that's<00:48:48.640> what<00:48:48.960> happened.<00:48:49.440> I,<00:48:49.680> I,<00:48:49.760> I,<00:48:50.960> man,<00:48:51.359> I<00:48:51.680> hate<00:48:51.839> that<00:48:52.079> this<00:48:52.240> is<00:48:52.319> a<00:48:52.480> real<00:48:52.720> thing<00:48:52.800> that<00:48:53.040> I'm<00:48:53.200> about<00:48:53.359> to<00:48:53.520> say.

00:48:54.240 --> 00:49:05.920
I<00:48:54.559> am<00:48:54.800> trying<00:48:55.040> to<00:48:55.200> lose<00:48:55.520> weight.<00:48:56.559> Uh,<00:48:56.880> basically<00:48:57.280> what<00:48:57.599> happened<00:48:57.839> was<00:48:58.319> two<00:48:58.559> weeks<00:48:58.720> ago<00:48:59.119> I<00:48:59.359> accepted<00:48:59.839> my<00:49:00.000> body<00:49:00.319> and<00:49:00.559> then<00:49:00.720> one<00:49:00.960> week<00:49:01.119> ago<00:49:01.359> I<00:49:01.599> unaccepted<00:49:02.240> it.

00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:08.400
It's<00:49:06.160> just<00:49:06.400> body<00:49:06.720> image<00:49:07.119> stuff.<00:49:07.440> I<00:49:07.680> struggle<00:49:07.920> with<00:49:08.079> it.

00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:10.559
Everybody<00:49:08.800> struggles<00:49:09.200> with<00:49:09.359> it.<00:49:09.599> I<00:49:09.839> know<00:49:10.079> everybody.

00:49:10.559 --> 00:49:14.559
It,<00:49:10.800> it<00:49:11.119> doesn't<00:49:11.280> matter<00:49:11.440> what<00:49:11.680> you<00:49:11.760> look<00:49:11.920> like.<00:49:12.160> You've<00:49:12.400> struggled<00:49:12.720> with<00:49:12.880> body<00:49:13.119> image,<00:49:14.240> right?

00:49:14.559 --> 00:49:19.119
I<00:49:14.720> used<00:49:14.880> to<00:49:15.040> work<00:49:15.119> with<00:49:15.359> this<00:49:15.520> woman<00:49:15.760> who<00:49:16.000> was<00:49:16.240> really<00:49:16.480> tiny<00:49:16.880> and<00:49:17.200> skinny<00:49:17.520> in<00:49:17.760> this<00:49:17.920> way<00:49:18.000> that<00:49:18.240> I<00:49:18.400> never<00:49:18.640> will<00:49:18.800> be.

00:49:19.119 --> 00:49:22.079
Right?<00:49:19.280> We're<00:49:19.520> just<00:49:19.680> built<00:49:19.920> differently.<00:49:20.559> I,<00:49:20.800> I'm<00:49:21.119> built<00:49:21.359> like<00:49:21.520> this.

00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:26.319
She<00:49:22.319> had<00:49:22.559> little<00:49:22.880> Florida<00:49:23.280> Methodist<00:49:23.760> hips.

00:49:26.319 --> 00:49:28.640
Do<00:49:26.472> you<00:49:26.626> know<00:49:26.779> what<00:49:26.933> I<00:49:27.086> mean<00:49:27.239> by<00:49:27.393> that?<00:49:27.546> I<00:49:27.700> don't<00:49:27.853> think<00:49:28.007> you<00:49:28.160> know.

00:49:28.640 --> 00:49:33.680
She's,<00:49:29.280> uh,<00:49:29.440> she's<00:49:29.680> not<00:49:29.839> built<00:49:30.079> to<00:49:30.240> survive.

00:49:33.680 --> 00:49:39.760
And<00:49:33.920> that,<00:49:34.160> that<00:49:34.400> is<00:49:34.559> my<00:49:34.720> goal.<00:49:36.240> She's<00:49:36.559> built<00:49:36.800> where<00:49:37.040> you're<00:49:37.280> like<00:49:37.440> her<00:49:37.680> ancestors<00:49:38.160> were<00:49:38.400> never<00:49:38.559> kicked<00:49:38.880> out<00:49:39.040> of<00:49:39.200> anywhere.

00:49:39.760 --> 00:49:43.760
That's<00:49:39.920> how<00:49:40.160> she's<00:49:40.480> built.<00:49:42.319> Which<00:49:42.559> is<00:49:42.720> not<00:49:42.880> how<00:49:43.119> I<00:49:43.280> am<00:49:43.440> built.

00:49:43.760 --> 00:49:46.000
I<00:49:44.000> know<00:49:44.079> that.<00:49:44.319> I'm<00:49:44.559> built<00:49:44.800> for<00:49:44.880> the<00:49:45.119> old<00:49:45.280> country,<00:49:45.760> right?

00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:55.119
I'm<00:49:46.240> Jewish<00:49:46.640> on<00:49:46.880> both<00:49:47.119> sides.<00:49:47.520> I<00:49:47.760> get,<00:49:48.160> I'm<00:49:48.400> built<00:49:48.640> for<00:49:48.800> if<00:49:48.960> the<00:49:49.119> ox<00:49:49.520> died,<00:49:50.000> I<00:49:50.240> could<00:49:50.400> pull<00:49:50.640> the<00:49:50.880> cart.

00:49:55.119 --> 00:50:01.040
That<00:49:55.359> applause<00:49:55.760> hurts.<00:49:56.240> Don't<00:49:56.480> clap<00:49:56.720> at<00:49:56.960> that<00:49:57.119> one.

00:50:01.040 --> 00:50:04.559
[Laughter]

00:50:04.559 --> 00:50:10.559
So,<00:50:05.359> so<00:50:05.680> this<00:50:05.920> woman<00:50:06.079> I<00:50:06.319> work<00:50:06.480> with,<00:50:06.800> I<00:50:06.960> was<00:50:07.119> complaining<00:50:07.599> to<00:50:07.839> her<00:50:08.160> one<00:50:08.400> day,<00:50:08.800> which<00:50:09.200> I<00:50:09.440> don't<00:50:09.599> like<00:50:09.760> to<00:50:10.000> complain.

00:50:10.559 --> 00:50:17.839
I<00:50:10.800> love<00:50:10.960> to.<00:50:11.599> And,<00:50:12.000> uh,<00:50:13.839> I<00:50:14.079> turned<00:50:14.319> to<00:50:14.480> her<00:50:14.720> and<00:50:14.960> I<00:50:15.200> said,<00:50:15.359> "Gh,<00:50:15.839> I<00:50:16.079> would<00:50:16.160> kill<00:50:16.400> for<00:50:16.640> your<00:50:16.880> body."

00:50:17.839 --> 00:50:22.400
And<00:50:18.000> then<00:50:18.240> she<00:50:18.480> turned<00:50:18.640> to<00:50:18.800> me<00:50:18.880> and<00:50:19.119> she<00:50:19.280> said,<00:50:19.359> "Oh<00:50:19.680> my<00:50:19.839> gosh,<00:50:20.079> no,<00:50:20.319> I<00:50:20.559> would<00:50:20.640> kill<00:50:20.880> for<00:50:21.119> your<00:50:21.359> body."

00:50:22.400 --> 00:50:24.400
Which<00:50:22.800> what<00:50:23.040> a<00:50:23.280> moment,<00:50:24.000> right?

00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:26.400
No,<00:50:24.720> truly<00:50:24.960> for<00:50:25.119> me<00:50:25.280> that<00:50:25.520> was<00:50:25.599> such<00:50:25.760> an<00:50:25.920> epiphany.

00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:38.160
Like<00:50:26.559> the<00:50:26.720> little<00:50:26.880> light<00:50:27.040> bulb<00:50:27.280> went<00:50:27.520> off<00:50:28.000> because<00:50:28.319> I<00:50:28.720> never<00:50:29.040> realized<00:50:29.599> before<00:50:30.079> that<00:50:30.480> skinny<00:50:30.880> people<00:50:31.200> are<00:50:31.520> dumb<00:50:31.760> and<00:50:32.000> wrong.

00:50:38.160 --> 00:50:41.359
No,<00:50:38.800> I'm<00:50:39.040> just<00:50:39.200> kidding.<00:50:39.839> It's<00:50:40.000> a<00:50:40.240> joke.

00:50:41.359 --> 00:50:44.800
It's<00:50:41.599> a<00:50:41.839> joke.<00:50:42.079> No,<00:50:42.319> I,<00:50:42.640> it's,<00:50:43.200> you<00:50:43.359> know,<00:50:43.520> we're<00:50:43.760> all<00:50:43.920> doing<00:50:44.160> our<00:50:44.400> best.

00:50:44.800 --> 00:50:53.359
I<00:50:45.119> get,<00:50:45.280> I<00:50:45.599> get<00:50:45.760> so<00:50:46.079> many<00:50:46.240> toxic<00:50:46.800> thoughts<00:50:47.119> about<00:50:47.440> my<00:50:47.680> body<00:50:48.400> and<00:50:48.720> it's,<00:50:48.960> I'm<00:50:49.200> trying<00:50:49.440> to<00:50:49.599> be<00:50:49.760> better<00:50:50.000> about<00:50:50.160> it,<00:50:50.400> but<00:50:50.960> they<00:50:51.280> just<00:50:51.599> pop<00:50:51.920> in<00:50:53.119> like

00:50:53.359 --> 00:51:03.680
a,<00:50:53.520> like,<00:50:53.760> oh,<00:50:54.000> I<00:50:54.240> got<00:50:54.400> food<00:50:54.640> poisoning<00:50:55.200> one<00:50:55.440> time<00:50:56.160> and<00:50:56.400> my<00:50:56.720> first<00:50:56.960> thought<00:50:57.200> when<00:50:57.440> I<00:50:57.599> got<00:50:57.760> food<00:50:58.000> poisoning<00:50:58.640> was<00:51:00.319> I<00:51:00.559> can't<00:51:00.720> wait<00:51:00.880> to<00:51:01.040> weigh<00:51:01.359> myself.

00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:08.480
That's<00:51:04.000> awful.<00:51:04.960> That's<00:51:05.280> a<00:51:05.520> terrible<00:51:06.000> toxic<00:51:06.559> thought<00:51:06.800> that<00:51:07.040> I<00:51:07.440> three<00:51:07.680> lbs.

00:51:08.480 --> 00:51:15.760
But<00:51:08.640> that's<00:51:08.800> a<00:51:09.040> terri

00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:18.720
I<00:51:16.000> got<00:51:16.160> food<00:51:16.400> poisoning<00:51:16.880> from<00:51:17.119> eating<00:51:17.440> raw<00:51:17.599> oysters.

00:51:18.720 --> 00:51:24.480
Okay,<00:51:19.040> I<00:51:19.280> eat<00:51:19.440> a<00:51:19.599> lot<00:51:19.680> of<00:51:19.839> oysters<00:51:20.480> because<00:51:20.800> I<00:51:21.040> like<00:51:21.200> to<00:51:21.359> gamble,<00:51:21.680> but<00:51:21.920> not<00:51:22.079> in<00:51:22.240> casinos.

00:51:24.480 --> 00:51:27.680
Like<00:51:24.640> a<00:51:24.800> real<00:51:25.119> life<00:51:25.359> gamble.<00:51:26.559> That's<00:51:26.800> what<00:51:26.960> oysters<00:51:27.440> are.

00:51:27.680 --> 00:51:34.319
Raw<00:51:27.920> oysters<00:51:28.880> will<00:51:29.200> either<00:51:29.920> give<00:51:30.160> you<00:51:30.400> food<00:51:30.720> poisoning<00:51:31.839> or<00:51:32.160> they<00:51:32.480> make<00:51:32.640> you<00:51:32.960> horny.

00:51:34.319 --> 00:51:39.920
And<00:51:34.559> that's<00:51:34.800> a<00:51:35.040> boomer<00:51:35.520> bust<00:51:35.839> situation<00:51:36.720> if<00:51:37.040> I've<00:51:37.280> ever<00:51:37.440> heard<00:51:37.760> one.

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One<00:51:40.240> time<00:51:40.480> my<00:51:40.720> husband<00:51:40.960> and<00:51:41.200> I,<00:51:41.440> we<00:51:41.599> went<00:51:41.760> out<00:51:41.920> for<00:51:42.079> oysters<00:51:42.640> and<00:51:42.880> I<00:51:43.119> was<00:51:43.280> trying<00:51:43.520> to<00:51:43.680> be<00:51:44.559> cute<00:51:44.960> and<00:51:45.280> quirky<00:51:45.760> and<00:51:46.079> funny.

00:51:46.960 --> 00:51:54.720
So<00:51:47.200> I,<00:51:47.359> I<00:51:47.760> ate<00:51:48.079> an<00:51:48.319> oyster<00:51:48.800> and<00:51:49.040> then<00:51:49.200> I<00:51:49.359> turned<00:51:49.599> to<00:51:49.760> my<00:51:50.000> husband<00:51:50.400> and<00:51:50.640> I<00:51:50.880> said,<00:51:51.280> "Okay,<00:51:52.319> you<00:51:52.559> know<00:51:52.640> what<00:51:52.800> this<00:51:53.040> means,<00:51:53.440> baby?

00:51:54.720 --> 00:52:05.839
Tonight<00:51:55.040> we're<00:51:55.280> either<00:51:55.599> going<00:51:55.760> to<00:51:55.920> have<00:51:56.240> sex<00:51:57.040> or<00:51:57.280> I'm<00:51:57.520> going<00:51:57.599> to<00:51:57.839> [poop]<00:51:58.240> myself."

00:52:05.839 --> 00:52:09.760
And<00:52:06.079> then<00:52:06.319> without<00:52:06.720> skipping<00:52:07.040> a<00:52:07.280> beat,<00:52:07.599> he<00:52:08.000> said,<00:52:08.640> "Or<00:52:09.119> both.

00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:14.720
That's<00:52:10.000> what<00:52:10.240> marriage<00:52:10.720> is."

00:52:14.720 --> 00:52:20.319
Yeah.<00:52:15.839> Absolutely.<00:52:16.880> No,<00:52:17.359> that's

00:52:20.319 --> 00:52:24.160
that's<00:52:20.640> how<00:52:20.800> I<00:52:20.960> know<00:52:21.119> I<00:52:21.359> married<00:52:21.599> the<00:52:21.839> right<00:52:22.000> guy.

00:52:24.160 --> 00:52:28.480
That's<00:52:24.640> support.<00:52:26.640> My<00:52:26.880> husband,<00:52:27.280> man,<00:52:27.520> you<00:52:27.680> guys<00:52:27.839> would<00:52:28.000> love<00:52:28.160> him.

00:52:28.480 --> 00:52:32.720
He's<00:52:28.880> so<00:52:29.200> nice.<00:52:30.160> He<00:52:30.400> really,<00:52:30.800> he's<00:52:31.040> the<00:52:31.200> nicest<00:52:31.680> guy<00:52:31.839> I've<00:52:32.160> ever<00:52:32.319> met.

00:52:32.720 --> 00:52:35.280
He's,<00:52:33.280> here's<00:52:33.680> how<00:52:33.920> sweet<00:52:34.319> he<00:52:34.559> is.

00:52:35.280 --> 00:52:41.599
is<00:52:35.599> we've<00:52:35.920> been<00:52:36.079> watching<00:52:36.480> Gossip<00:52:36.960> Girl<00:52:37.440> at<00:52:37.680> night<00:52:37.920> just<00:52:38.160> to<00:52:38.400> calm<00:52:38.800> down.

00:52:41.599 --> 00:52:53.119
And<00:52:41.839> as<00:52:42.079> we're<00:52:42.400> watching<00:52:42.640> Gossip<00:52:43.119> Girl,<00:52:43.440> he<00:52:43.680> keeps<00:52:44.079> saying<00:52:44.559> over<00:52:44.800> and<00:52:45.119> over,<00:52:46.000> "I<00:52:46.319> can't<00:52:46.480> believe<00:52:46.720> they're<00:52:47.040> doing<00:52:47.200> all<00:52:47.359> this<00:52:47.520> on<00:52:47.680> a<00:52:47.920> school<00:52:48.160> night.

00:52:53.119 --> 00:52:56.000
So<00:52:53.359> sweet.<00:52:55.040> He's<00:52:55.359> so<00:52:55.599> nice."

00:52:56.000 --> 00:53:02.720
I<00:52:56.400> truly<00:52:56.800> believe<00:52:57.119> that<00:52:57.359> if<00:52:57.520> he<00:52:57.680> and<00:52:57.920> I<00:52:58.240> were<00:52:58.480> hooking<00:52:58.800> up<00:52:58.960> and<00:52:59.200> I<00:52:59.440> got<00:52:59.599> food<00:52:59.839> poisoning<00:53:00.240> in<00:53:00.480> the<00:53:00.559> middle<00:53:00.640> of<00:53:00.800> it,<00:53:00.960> like<00:53:01.040> if<00:53:01.200> he<00:53:01.280> and<00:53:01.440> I<00:53:01.520> were<00:53:01.680> hooking<00:53:01.920> up<00:53:02.000> and<00:53:02.240> I<00:53:02.400> [poop]

00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:06.960
myself<00:53:03.040> in<00:53:03.280> the<00:53:03.440> middle,<00:53:04.000> I<00:53:04.400> don't<00:53:04.720> think<00:53:04.880> he<00:53:05.119> would<00:53:05.280> be<00:53:05.440> mean<00:53:05.680> to<00:53:05.839> me<00:53:06.000> about<00:53:06.240> it.

00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:09.359
Isn't<00:53:07.200> that<00:53:07.359> why<00:53:07.680> I<00:53:07.920> know<00:53:08.160> it's<00:53:08.400> so<00:53:08.720> sweet?

00:53:09.359 --> 00:53:14.559
I<00:53:09.599> don't<00:53:09.760> think<00:53:09.839> he<00:53:10.079> would<00:53:10.240> make<00:53:10.480> fun<00:53:10.640> of<00:53:10.800> me<00:53:11.280> or<00:53:11.599> like<00:53:11.839> bring<00:53:12.079> it<00:53:12.240> up<00:53:12.319> in<00:53:12.559> a<00:53:12.720> fight<00:53:12.960> later<00:53:13.280> on.

00:53:14.559 --> 00:53:20.559
I<00:53:14.880> honestly,<00:53:15.280> I<00:53:15.520> think<00:53:15.680> he<00:53:15.920> would<00:53:16.000> just<00:53:16.240> quietly<00:53:17.040> go<00:53:17.280> get<00:53:17.359> the<00:53:17.599> dustpan<00:53:18.079> and<00:53:18.319> brush.

00:53:20.559 --> 00:53:39.359
Thank<00:53:21.053> you<00:53:21.546> guys<00:53:22.040> so<00:53:22.533> much.<00:53:23.027> Heat.<00:53:23.520> Heat.

00:53:39.359 --> 00:53:51.280
Woo!

00:53:51.280 --> 00:54:02.250
Heat!

00:54:02.250 --> 00:54:05.780
[Music]

00:54:05.780 --> 00:54:10.000
[Applause]

00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:13.280
As<00:54:10.319> you<00:54:10.480> may<00:54:10.640> have<00:54:10.880> heard,<00:54:11.200> I<00:54:11.440> got<00:54:11.520> a<00:54:11.680> beer<00:54:12.000> can<00:54:12.160> thrown<00:54:12.400> at<00:54:12.640> me.

00:54:13.280 --> 00:54:22.240
Um,<00:54:13.617> so<00:54:13.953> we're<00:54:14.290> going<00:54:14.627> to<00:54:14.963> do<00:54:15.300> a<00:54:15.636> little<00:54:15.973> call<00:54:16.310> back<00:54:16.646> slash<00:54:16.983> putting<00:54:17.320> a,<00:54:17.656> a<00:54:17.993> period<00:54:18.329> on<00:54:18.666> this<00:54:19.003> whole<00:54:19.339> experience,<00:54:19.676> which<00:54:20.013> is<00:54:20.349> they<00:54:20.686> are<00:54:21.022> going<00:54:21.359> to

00:54:22.240 --> 00:54:26.079
gently<00:54:23.599> toss,<00:54:24.800> toss<00:54:25.119> a<00:54:25.359> beer<00:54:25.599> can<00:54:25.760> at<00:54:25.920> me.

00:54:26.079 --> 00:54:32.559
It<00:54:26.240> was<00:54:26.400> actually<00:54:26.559> a<00:54:26.720> High<00:54:26.960> Noon,<00:54:27.200> but<00:54:27.440> they<00:54:27.680> didn't<00:54:27.839> sponsor<00:54:28.160> me,<00:54:28.319> so<00:54:28.480> it's<00:54:28.640> a<00:54:28.720> beer<00:54:29.040> can.

00:54:32.559 --> 00:54:42.960
Good<00:54:32.720> night.<00:54:33.760> [Applause]

00:54:42.960 --> 00:54:47.950
Thank<00:54:43.119> you.<00:54:43.359> Good<00:54:43.520> night.

00:54:47.950 --> 00:54:58.720
[Applause]

00:54:58.720 --> 00:55:03.040
Sorry.<00:55:00.880> I'm<00:55:01.119> so<00:55:01.280> mad<00:55:01.599> it<00:55:01.760> was<00:55:01.920> my<00:55:02.160> fault<00:55:02.400> this<00:55:02.720> time.

00:55:03.040 --> 00:55:05.440
Okay.<00:55:03.440> Okay.